Introduce myself - I believe my sister has BPD

[ELMmom]

Hello, I'm new to the group. My sister is 3 years younger. She is my only sibling. I believe she has BPD. The symptoms haven't been noticeable to me until adulthood or maybe I didn't pay attention to them until now. She and I have never been close. I don't know why that is. I don't ever remember a specific incident that triggered her behavior and I can't pinpoint a time frame that it started. Looking back on our childhood, maybe certain events were red flags? I just thought they were normal sibling stuff.

There have been major and minor blow ups over the years. Since her wedding in 2014 (I was her matron of honor), I feel like WE have worked on our relationship and gotten to a good place. There was a blow up in January! She has been hurtful and nasty in the past but this time it hurt. Like I said, I thought we were in a MUCH better place. The things that she said, cut me to the core. It has taken me a while to come to finally realize that I will never have the sister relationship that I want with her. I'm grieving that fact. I've also realized that I need to keep my boundaries with her at all times. In the past, I've said that before but seem to let down my guard then I get hurt. I won't cut her out of my life because she is my sister. I've realized that our relationship will never be warm and fuzzy.

In the days that have followed, she has never acknowledged her hurtful words to me. She has sent me texts and emails about another topic. But even in these communications, her tone is disrespectful and harsh. When I do respond, I stay to answering her questions and/or stating facts only. I've decided since January that I have to keep my distance from my sister to protect myself and my heart.

Over the years, she has treated my parents with the same disdain. I've seen the hurt and pain that her behaviors have caused them. I think they feel they have to put up with it because she is their child. Shared DNA or not, I can't continue to be her whipping post so I joined this group to find support and maybe tools. Thank you for your future support.

Thank you for reading my post!

[Charlie3236]

Hi ELMmom and welcome!   

I could have written your story, except my BPD little sis is 5-years younger. But the same thing... .Sweet, sweet, sweet, and I think we're getting somewhere good, then out of the blue BLAM again! She's vicious and cruel over some perceived slight (which is usually not real). It's happened time and again, and unfortunately it's textbook BPD behavior.

It sounds like you are already on the path to forming some boundaries around what behavior you will tolerate, so great work! Have you been able to read any of the tools on here? They've been extremely helpful for me in communicating with sis, and especially in preserving my own boundaries and sanity!

I do want to add also that there may be a time when you need to go no-contact (NC) with your sister either temporarily or permanently, and that is ok. You for sure cannot help her if you don't maintain your own health and mental stability, so that has to become primary now. There are people here at all levels of LC and NC with their BPD loved ones, you'll have to navigate the balance that works best for your unique relationship.

And of course we are always here to support and help. Glad you're here!