Thanks much for writing. We have been married for almost four years. I married later in life, so we don't have kids. I am actually glad that we don't have to deal with that. It will make things even more difficult. My understanding about the NAMI classes, Family-to-Family, is that they teach new skills to deal with these BPD traits. I just began to read "The High Conflict Couple" by Alan E. Fruzzetti, and Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan, who is the author of DBT (Dialectal Behavior Therapy), which seems to be the most effective therapy for BPD. It's an excellent book so far. It goes to the basics of understanding emotion in relationships, accepting yourself and your partner, how to stop making things worse, how to express accurately, etc.
I have listened to many videos on line about these two authors who are excellent and very compassionate. I guess my goal, desire and prayer is that I own my stuff first, see how I am contributing to it, and become healthier myself first. I know we all bring our own baggage. I know at times I also react and try to defend myself, because it hurts. As I receive support, validation (just reading all the stories in this forum has been tremendously validating to me!) and continue my own growth, hopefully I will be able to model better behavior at home.
I have also located a therapist in town who does DBT for couples and follows the book I mentioned above. I am trying to find out if the therapist can start with me now, or wait until he is ready later. She is the only therapist here in town trained by Marsha M. Linehan, so I don't want to start, then later be told that she can not see him, because of conflict of interest! Although I heard in a webinar today by Dr. John G. Gunderson from McLean Hospital (another great source for weekly interactive webinars for FREE that you can sign up), that any good therapist can work with you. I am not completely convinced of that yet!
