What was YOUR birthday/holidays like?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Let's just say I made her birthday a really big deal every year... .like weekend getaway big deal.   She loved it... .every single minute of it.

Every year, she did the bare minimum for me in return.  Two years ago, she ruined my birthday completely by telling me I'm basically unmarriable until I qualify myself to her, and eventually then let me pay for my "birthday" lunch.  The previous year, she threw a huge tempertantrum crying and hiding under a blanket when we got home because she paid for my birthday dinner (she's not poor).  Last year, she did nothing except a card and mug.

I hadn't spent the last three Christmas or thanksgivings with her.  I was not welcome... .her sisters and mom hated me since I proposed. Instead she chose to spend them with her dysfunctional families (divorced since mom cheated when she was a kid).  Every year, she would call me to complain and tell me what a horrible time She had. It got to the point where I didn't care anymore... .and I didn't want to hear it.  I'd put the phone to the sky and rolled my eyes while shed drone on and on about how horrible her holiday was.  It was like she enjoyed bing the victim.   I could never understand why she wouldn't spend the time with me or my family... .that welcomed her with open arms.

I finally ended it 8 months ago after 5 crazy years, realizing this was a one sided relationship going nowhere... .and I just felt bad about myself when I was around her.    Her last words to me when I drew the line in the sand and finally set a boundary, "I love you... .I'll go wherever you go!"  Havent heard from her since... .I've been cut off and split black.

I'm pretty sure she cheated on me 3 years ago when she wanted a "break"... .it wasn't the same after that... .but man, I really knew how she felt about me during those holidays.  She said she loved me twenty different ways, wanted to spend time with me, missed me... .but the actions never matched the words.

[Huh?]

Let's just say I made her birthday a really big deal every year... .like weekend getaway big deal.   She loved it... .every single minute of it.

Every year, she did the bare minimum for me in return.  Two years ago, she ruined my birthday completely by telling me I'm basically unmarriable until I qualify myself to her, and eventually then let me pay for my "birthday" lunch.  The previous year, she threw a huge tempertantrum crying and hiding under a blanket when we got home because she paid for my birthday dinner (she's not poor).  Last year, she did nothing except a card and mug.

I hadn't spent the last three Christmas or thanksgivings with her.  I was not welcome... .her sisters and mom hated me since I proposed. Instead she chose to spend them with her dysfunctional families (divorced since mom cheated when she was a kid).  Every year, she would call me to complain and tell me what a horrible time She had. It got to the point where I didn't care anymore... .and I didn't want to hear it.  I'd put the phone to the sky and rolled my eyes while shed drone on and on about how horrible her holiday was.  It was like she enjoyed bing the victim.   I could never understand why she wouldn't spend the time with me or my family... .that welcomed her with open arms.

I finally ended it 8 months ago after 5 crazy years, realizing this was a one sided relationship going nowhere... .and I just felt bad about myself when I was around her.    Her last words to me when I drew the line in the sand and finally set a boundary, "I love you... .I'll go wherever you go!"  Havent heard from her since... .I've been cut off and split black.

I'm pretty sure she cheated on me 3 years ago when she wanted a "break"... .it wasn't the same after that... .but man, I really knew how she felt about me during those holidays.  She said she loved me twenty different ways, wanted to spend time with me, missed me... .but the actions never matched the words.

[UnforgivenII]

I just had one with him, and he discarded me in a horrific way 5 days before my birthday. My friends  who stayed with me that day had to drag me outside my home. I could barely speak.

[marti644]

My BPD-ex ruined every holiday by fabricating a crisis (broken down cars, family crises, etc. etc.). The red flag that finally pushed me over the edge was Christmas last year. Told me my gifts were cheap and un-thoughtful. When I expressed disbelief and hurt that she could say such things she said I was abusive. I pity the man (or women) that has to deal with that for a lifetime. I look forward to a peaceful and drama free birthday in April surrounded by the mentally stable.

[Huh?]

My BPD-ex ruined every holiday by fabricating a crisis (broken down cars, family crises, etc. etc.). The red flag that finally pushed me over the edge was Christmas last year. Told me my gifts were cheap and un-thoughtful. When I expressed disbelief and hurt that she could say such things she said I was abusive. I pity the man (or women) that has to deal with that for a lifetime. I look forward to a peaceful and drama free birthday in April surrounded by the mentally stable.

It seems as though if it's not about the disordered individual... .they will make every one else around them miserable.

When I first met my ex, she told me nobody ever celebrated her birthday... .like ever.  So of course I kicked it into high gear to make her feel special.  I see now, I was being manipulated.

Enjoy your birthday!  I spent my first post break up birthday taking my dog for a long walk around a local lake... .it was actually really nice... .a little sad and surreal... .but peaceful.   My family made it awesome too. 

Once the expectation of negativity is removed, it can become a good thing to begin celebrating yourself again.

[Huh?]

I just had one with him, and he discarded me in a horrific way 5 days before my birthday. My friends  who stayed with me that day had to drag me outside my home. I could barely speak.

That is really horrible.  I'm sorry.  Maybe it was to avoid celebrating your birthday?   Without knowing your story... .I've read that often times when selfish/narcissistic people dump others right before a holiday or special occasion it is often to avoid the celebrating the event itself. 

Either way, that sucks.

[marti644]

Huh,

My ex said the same thing. And you know what? She's right. She couldn't have a real birthday celebration because in her life everything is fake and lies and friends are just acquaintances or future exes. Feel sorry for her. Glad to be a whole person more and more everyday.

I will enjoy, thank you!

[roberto516]

For my first birthday (we weren't dating yet but we both knew where it was going) she made myself and a few coworkers drive 45 minutes to her place to go out to eat so she could drink and get home. She had 1 beer and said she was done so we all had to drive her back, and I went home.

2nd birthday she asks me 3 weeks before if I want to go to a sporting event with her whole family. She honestly didn't remember it was my birthday. So I went, we went to the bar at the stadium, she had 1 beer, went back to watch the game and we left early. Got home and she fell asleep.

Holidays were always with her family until I put my foot down at the end.

[jonmnemonic]

My exBPD had lofty expectations of what I should do for her birthday.  Valentine's Day and our anniversary were all about what I could do for her and it better have been good or she would be severely disappointed.  $1,000 night out for our anniversary one year including a limo and she complained about me not whisking her away with a chartered private jet (I'm not wealthy).

Our first year together she forgot my birthday but gave me a gift a week later.  Other years she would do nothing for my birthday and then blame me for it saying if I wasn't such a jerk she would have done some "big thing" for me.  One time she said she'd LET me cook myself a box of KD and that was to be the highlight of my birthday.  Sometimes she'd do a cake a week after my birthday.  In the last couple of years she actually put a bit of effort into it by having friends over.

I'm really looking forward to being with someone that actually appreciates special things I do for her.  At the same time I have to be careful not to allow the past to prevent me from being honored by her.  It's funny... .when I think about my ex and miss her I'm actually missing the idea of what I wanted our relationship to be but never was.

[balletomane]

My ex paid no attention to my birthday. I never had a gift or a card from him, or any attempt to make it special.

He disliked holidays because they usually mean family time and he detests his family, especially his mother. He would invite me to his family celebrations so he didn't have to be alone with them. I took this as a compliment at first, a sign that he wanted me around in and of myself, but then I realised I was like a comfort blanket. He tried to cheat on me/discard me within a month of inviting me to his family's New Year dinner.

He didn't expect a lot of attention on his birthdays. He liked to go camping, and that was it. He was never happy with any of the presents I got him - he would react with puzzlement, as if he couldn't understand why I would think he wanted such-and-such. He barely said thank you. In fairness to him, he wasn't a very materialistic person and didn't ask for presents, but he didn't seem to care if his reaction to my effort came across as rude or ungrateful.

[earlyL]

My first birthday with her, she said 'I thought it was really sad no one got you a cake' hmmmm, including her it would seem. I did think it a bit weird. My third birthday I got nothing, absolutely nothing, I was away and the card got lost in the post. I feel quite relieved as turned out she was having an affair so god knows what was in that card.

This christmas - our last (I found out about the affair on christmas eve) she gave me two shower gels. I bought her a year membership to an art gallery, what a waste of cash. To be honest, she was never great at presents, but I just didn't notice.

[AustenJ]

Oddly, she was pretty thoughtful when it came to gift-giving... .she surprised me a few times with gifts, meals, and notes... .When she left for Thanksgiving break with her family, she hid a Starbucks gift card in the bedside book I was reading and then she surprised me by coming home early from thanksgiving with her family. She also wrote me a nice note and stuck it on my fridge on the birthday of my father who had passed years ago. She also gave me some thoughtful gifts for xmas... .and at my request, wrote me a beautiful love letter that she left on my pillow, as she left me to spend a ski trip with an ex... .which then was the beginning of the end for us... .for all the running around she did, she was a very thoughtful person... .which made the discard so much more difficult