Finally moved on - but can't stop looking at social media. Help

[Confused99]

So after 7 years of the most up and down relationship with a BPD partner I finally moved on.  I met the love of my life.  Treats me so great. I never ever thought I would get here.  It wasn't but a few years ago I couldn't get out of bed for weeks at a time.  I was a wreck.  Now I'm better but I cannot stop looking at her social media.  Who is following her etc.  anyone else struggling with this?  I feel like she posts stuff because she knows I see it.   Places we used to go together etc.  I want to remove her completely but I can't stop. help

[Caretaker2]

I just broke up with mine, currently in the works of disappearing completely. I think, just based on what I've read around this site and Reddit, is you need to remove that connection you have with her at all costs. The feelings I've had just in this short amount of time are almost like I could rekindle my interest in her with just the smallest bit of proverbial friction. Not like an intimate interest like that, but wanting to share solutions to her problems. We were together for 6 years and some months and I had internalized all, and I mean every, problem, insecurity, annoyances, that she had. We had become homogenous. I'm struggling to disassociate the actual unique things that only I liked during the relationship from any thought of her. I feel like being in your position that since you are so close to the finish line, to completely remove her from your social media would be such a cathartic, successful moment for you. If she has any friends, remove them from your newsfeed on Facebook or whatever the thing is called on twitter. And if you feel like this is malicious use of social media on her part, that should be more than enough of a reason to finally hit the block button.

You know best, so do what you feel is right. I know I'm feeling jealous of how far you've come based on your post. Can't wait to be there with someone healthy that can be honest with me.

[Mutt]

Hi Confused99,

I'd like echo Caretaker2, I deactivated all of my social media when I started to self protect myself ( minimal contact ) I wanted to help myself with speeding up my recovery and I did what I could that would get me there quicker.

I have some people that use Facebook as their only means to communicate with family and friends, I just sent an email explaining to people that they can get in touch with me by cell or email. I reactivated social media about 4 months later when I thought that I could handle it better. I kept getting triggered with peeking, it didn't help, there was a time before social media where we'd make a call or send an email to stay in touch.

[enlighten me]

Its strange the way we remain attached. I split from my uBPD exgf nearly three years ago. We have a son together so I see her a lot. Ive no intention of getting back with her but lately I think about her almost all the time. Its not in a romantic way. I don't want to punish her but its almost as if were still connected in some way. I picked up my son yesterday and she was looking haggard. She mentioned she was hardly sleeping and only some of it was down to our son. She is also posting on FB at all hours. I don't believe in mystical ideas such as soul mates who are connected but it feels as if every time she is struggling I pick up on it even though when I see her she acts as if nothing is wrong. Maybe its just a gut feeling based on little things ive noticed.

I only have her as a friend on facebook due to our son. If we didn't have a son I wouldn't have any social media connection. When you start to think what if remember the incompatibilities and the hurt. My go to is tomato ketchup. I hate the stuff and she uses it all the time in cooking. Food causes strong emptions with me as Ive been a fussy eater since childhood. The thought of ketchup puts me off wanting her straight away.

[Caretaker2]

I picked up my son yesterday and she was looking haggard. She mentioned she was hardly sleeping and only some of it was down to our son. She is also posting on FB at all hours. I don't believe in mystical ideas such as soul mates who are connected but it feels as if every time she is struggling I pick up on it even though when I see her she acts as if nothing is wrong. Maybe its just a gut feeling based on little things ive noticed.

I've felt this a lot and I really feel terrible having to ignore it. I wish she would talk to her family about her health instead of texting me about it.

[UnforgivenII]

It is contact. Looking at social media is a form of contact. And try to feel your body when you do it. For sure your body tries to warn you you are doing something wrong.

Please do not do it. Protect yourself and your heart

[Confused99]

It is contact. Looking at social media is a form of contact. And try to feel your body when you do it. For sure your body tries to warn you you are doing something wrong.

Please do not do it. Protect yourself and your heart

You are so right.  It's like I'm nervous every time.  I think I partly want her to be suffering after all crap she did to me.   But I know everything she posts is all rainbows and butterflies. 

[Rayban]

Does the love of your life know you're peeking at your exes social media? If you haven't how do you think she would react to it?

You have done well to get where you are in your recovery, and  you've been rewarded with finding the love of your life.  Don't mess it up by wondering what your ex is up to. When the temptation comes up try to focus your attention on your new partner.



 

[Confused99]

Does the love of your life know you're peeking at your exes social media? If you haven't how do you think she would react to it?

You have done well to get where you are in your recovery, and  you've been rewarded with finding the love of your life.  :)on't mess it up by wondering what your ex is up to. When the temptation comes up try to focus your attention on your new partner.
  

Yes she knows.   Early in our relationship I was a disaster and admittedly was not ready to be in a relationship.   I was honest about that.  She said she saw what a good person I was and stuck with me.  But to your point I think she believes enough is enough now as well.  

[purekalm]

Confused99,

I know how you feel in a way. Yesterday was my 8 year anniversary, one month before he asked for a divorce and five months before he left. It was hard for me in a way. Just last month he took me off his second (friend only) account on fb and unfriended from his xboxlive as well. Come to find out, it was because the day after he posted a "in a relationship" status on his page that I just seen yesterday. Yeah... .So, what I did for myself was since he has a phone now I deleted him and one of his sisters from my account so I can't look or see what they post because it hurts or infuriates.

You and the woman you're in love with deserve for you to pay attention to you. If you're still holding on to feelings or some part of your ex it's only going to hurt you both. The decision is up to you, but I would unfriend or block her. If you haven't already, maybe even get some outside help to let go of her completely for your own sake. I get the connection, but you have to choose for yourself what is more important. Because of our son I have to have some slight interaction with my ex, (he lives over 14 hours away so no visits to worry about) but I won't even pretend to be his friend or confidant anymore, only cordial for my son's sake. You can do it Confused99! Make a new life and new memories. 

I'm not sure who wrote this but "You know you're on the right track when you lose interest in looking back."

[lovenature]

I met the love of my life.  Treats me so great. I never ever thought I would get here.

Focus on the above. When you are tempted to look at your ex's social media think of how great your current partner treats you, and know that social media typically paints a rosy picture and isn't indicative of the whole situation ("fake book".
Remember to go easy on yourself when you slip, recovery isn't linear.