Older Sister has BPD

[shakti]

I'm not really sure how this works, or who will read what I write. Lol. It's my first time writing on a site like this, or any online platform for that matter. Quite desperate but yet i know that there is nothing i can do.

A few days ago my sister tried sending me to prison. Never mind the years of abuse that I've tolerated from her and never reporting her to the police - everything from having to bear animal abuse, verbal abuse, stealing my mother's jewellery and throwing them on the streets, to physically assaulting my younger sister, my father, my mother, household people, hurting others, manipulating people, splitting my parents from a young age... .

I left her. About 6 years ago. Best decision I ever made in my life.
I didn't cut her off, but maintaining a distance and boundaries.

I'm here on this site because I would like you to teach me what are healthy boundaries with a BPD person.
There is no arguing with someone who validates all their abuse.

What should i tolerate?
What should i not tolerate?
What should I do if a situation is beyond my tolerance threshold?
How can i have a relationship with someone who doesn't know they are ill but verbally abuses me non-stop?
How can i make someone get help, and recognize they are ill? (in addition to BPD she's been bulimic for over 20 years now also)

Would appreciate advice, or if you can post a link to any previous threads that already outline answers to my questions above that would be great.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Shakti,

That must have been awful having your own sister trying to get you in prison. I can see why you would want to set boundaries.
I have a relative that’s done something similar, he’s used the date rape drug on me and kicked me out of a moving car, got me sacked once (almost twice).  All because he is consumed by jealously and has Sadistic Personality Disorder (so enjoys inflicting pain). Has you BPD sister done many serious sabotages on your life ? Someone with NPD tends to plan nastiness, but someone with BPD tends to lash out impulsively, so are less effective saboteurs. How would you describe your sister in this respect ? I would agree, you need to assert boundaries with your sister, here are some tips on that:

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

  we use this symbol to indicate we are quoting from your original thread, or answering a question you asked.

  The best way to get a view on what to tolerate and what not, is to constantly ground yourself, so for example simply put the details of the behaviour in a thread on here, and you’ll get a good idea of what's considered acceptable behaviour  once a few have answered.

  What should I do if a situation is beyond my tolerance threshold?
This is a good question, again you can garner views from this website, until you get to a stage where you have confidence in your own intuition. But I know my BPD would  break the law, and the law is also a good yard stick on what’s expectable. My friends were also a good consultation, but some of the BPD behaviour baffled them, so that’s when this forum comes into its own.

  How can I have a relationship with someone who doesn't know they are ill but verbally abuses me non-stop?
This is probably the hardest one to address, but again starting with boundaries as you so rightly are, is  a good first step. There are a range of techniques on this website, that will help you get the best out of someone with BPD, such as ways of talking to someone with a BPD. But you must feel safe.

  How can i make someone get help, and recognize they are ill? (in addition to BPD she's been bulimic for over 20 years now also).
We can not change the behaviour of our BPD, and we are not our bothers keeper. But maybe tell us a bit more about your scenario and we can better answer this last question. But I know when I first started posting here, my healing began. So good to have you here, and feel free to share as much or little as you want. Welcome.