I've been through my fair share of relationships with disordered women ( I was a slow learner). But this isn't about that.
I just wanted to share my experience with my "best friend", a buddy Ive known for over 25 years since high school. He is undiagnosed, but heavily displays BPD and NPD characteristics. Some of you wondering the mindset of a disordered person might appreciate this insight, as Ive been there to listen to his drama for my adult life throughout the years.
He's a pathological liar, as a matter of fact... .the day I met him he was telling me all these lies about how his family knew all these famous people, his sister was dating so and so... .(he doesn't have a sister)
For some reason, we became friends... .but I quickly learned to keep him at arms length.
He's been married three times over the years, cheated on every wife... .and every girlfriend in between. He has NEVER been able to be alone... .it amazed me how he would pull women from years ago along to be stand ins between relationships.
He's an alcoholic and a heavy smoker, and it's taking a toll on his appearance. He looks 15 years older than he is.
He's never at fault for the failure of his relationships, yet he longs for them... .which keeps him drinking. I can't tell you how many hours I had to listen to him tell me how his exs screwed him over, yet he's the one that cheats. He would drink heavily because he missed them... .but find another woman to distract himself with... .he'd take any woman by the way, I was amazed at some of the women he'd be with. I would call him on his behavior, which of course he would start crying or denying was his fault.
He's currently in an "official" relationship with a woman he's been have an extended affair with since his first marriage. Apparently they are "soul mates" since they keep finding each other.
The last time I saw him, they were having problems as she is worried he is cheating on her... .which he probably is. He is still drinking heavily, and the last thing he told me was, "I drink so much because it's the only way I can cope with how much I hate myself"
My point with this post... .yes your BPD ex probably misses you... .I've seen this first hand... .but they are train wrecks and you are now just a broken railroad tie on their path towards a life of self destruction. You are literally an object to use... .not a person. At the core of who they are, they are users looking to fill a void... .a void that they themselves don't know how to fill.
We are better and stronger because we know what we know now due to our experience. The red flags are there, but we as empaths at one point chose to ignore them because of our nature. Learn for your experience, and use it to heal and move forward. In reality, WE are the lucky ones... .because through our experience and research we are now armed with the tools to decode the behavioral patterns of the disordered and hopefully find a happy, and HEALTHY... .reciprocal relationship.
Their next victims, aren't so lucky.
