Hey nicholas, I suggest you listen to your gut feelings. I ignored mine and it led to a lot of pain and hardship. Like you, I knew something was wrong before I married my BPDxW, yet I lacked the courage to end the r/s. The price was high, believe me, for that mistake. I don't recommend that you follow in my footsteps.
There's no good time to end it. Sometimes you just have to pull the band-aid off even though it will hurt.
one of the main things that goes through my head is that there won't ever be someone that loves me or I love as much as her... .but at the cost of losing a connection with myself. The old me wouldn't hesitate to pick myself.
Rest assured, there are plenty of kind and considerate women out there who will treat you well in a loving r/s. No, you don't need to subject yourself to more abuse. You already know how much more peaceful it is to be out of the line of fire. I don't miss the drama, believe me.
Sometimes the right thing to do in life is the hard thing.
LuckyJim