it's my exBPDs birthday today

[Curiously1]

Can't believe it has already been a full year and abit. I remember our r/s being rocky at this time we were broken up for the first time and it hurt so bad. Couldnt eat, couldn't sleep, head was spinning, thought I was the person with BPD etc.  Maybe this will be the very last time I ever think about her (or so I hope). Special dates such as birthdays just bring up painful memories again. Nothing I miss. Just remembering the pain and wondering if her r/s is going any well at the moment. She forgot my birthday. She never remembered anything I found important.It was just all about her. Even if her and the replacement didn't or won't last (haven't checked her stuff social media in ages and don't plan to), it's best now that we are apart. I am still curious to know how she is but careful not to unnecessarily open up wounds again if I were to check so probably should still continue to stay away. Sometimes its best when I pretend everything was just a horrible dream, nothing was real and I never met her. Memories of her are pretty much faded but yes, dates like these seem to still give me this horrible negative feeling even if I don't remember all the details anymore.

[Tottie]

I understand your feelings and your thoughts. I am also curious about her current situation. How she is doing etc. etc. In my curiousity i did check here Facebook a couple months back and i was not happy with the information i saw. I learned that No contact / No information is very important because i was very upset after I saw all the new information.

You are doing a great job by keeping No contact/ No information.

[Riguez]

I can really identify and sympathise with what you have written, Curiously1.  Today was my partner's son's 18th and I feel really sad to not be part of that.  In exactly a month's time it's her birthday (a significant milestone) and I'm really not looking forward to that day.  I know that I will be wondering what she's doing, where she is and who she's with.  I found your post, almost poetic.  I read it out loud to someone else with a faltering voice because I was so moved by it.  I guess that's what is so remarkable about our experiences with these disordered people; they are often so similar.  We are all so wounded.  I hope as you say "this will be the last I ever think about her".  I would love to be able to banish my ex from my thoughts too.  Good luck buddy!

[Curiously1]

Thank you Tottie and Riguez for relating.
Tottie, NC all the way!
Riguez, I appreciate that you liked my self-expression 
I look forward to the day where we no longer experience anything negative during these dates.