Unable to eat and to sleep. Again

[UnforgivenII]

... .last summer, when he left me so badly, I developed PTSD and lost 7kgs in one month. I was unable to eat and sleep and now I am again on that path. I do not want to. I dumped him on the 10th of February ( even if it was him who made himself dumped... ) and I tried my best to keep up. I work, I go to the gym, I make sure I  do housework and take care of my son who lives with me.
But recently the sadness has been eating me up.
Once again, I am erased, just like last summer. His deafening silence towers over my pathetical No Contact. It is him giving me the silent treatment, not me doing no contact.

I have always been NOTHING in this relationship. I am nothing even now that it is over.

His silence. His silence is so cruel.

I want this nightmare to end. I am going to therapy but my therapist is not doing much at the moment. He says I have to grieve.

It is all I do 24/7. Grieving.
I want a life

[Riguez]

Hi UnforgivenII

I'm sorry that I can't ease your pain.  But I do sympathise with you and share your sadness and frustration.  I too have lost weight and focus, been tortured by memories and self-doubts and wake every morning around 4am with twisted feelings of betrayal and loss.  I sometimes wonder if it will ever come to an end.  All I can offer is my solidarity with you and my sincere wish that you find some sort of equilibrium in the near future.  You sound as if you have suffered enough.  Good luck and best wishes.

[AustenJ]

Be gentle with yourself... .take a deep breath... .it will be ok

We are here for you... .do something fun... .how old is your son?

It's been just a little over a month, so you need to cut yourself some slack, dear... .keep doing things for yourself... .go get a massage, get a pedicure, go for a walk... .see who can make the funniest faces without laughing between you and your son... .

Perhaps give yourself an hour a day to be with your sadness... .then move on to something fun... .you are too good and loving of a person to give over any more time to your sadness... .

you got this... .I know you do!

[Sadly]

 Am with you sweetheart   
Love from
Sadly x

[earlyL]

I am with you too, it was the 22nd Jan for me. I have to keep telling myself that this process is not linear, that it will be like this but it will get better. I really have learnt to just take one day at a time, which is not like me. I think the idea of only allowing one hour a day as much as you can is a really good one. I also find saying my emotions out loud really helps (when I can) like I am declaring them, and that makes them ok. It is such a slow process, I am starting to see a chink in light ahead of me, I know you will too. Keep writing and reading, we are all here for you.

[lovenature]

Try to shift the focus to you, NC is for you to have the necessary time away from the craziness to heal. I understand his silence is painful for you, I went through the same when my ex. finally stopped continually trying to contact me, but it gets less painful over time and your desire to hear from him will lessen too.

[stimpy]

Hi Unforgiven, I am so sorry you are having to go through this all over again, I really feel for you. It is such a painful time, and all I can say is to hold on, breath, slow down, and remember you will get over this. I remember this stage so well, I will never for get it, I lost weight, couldn't sleep, came out with some anxiety and PTSD, recovery for me was slow, and I'm still getting there.

Some ideas to help - things that helped me through were

Journalling of my thoughts and feelings
Meditation, easy exercises are available on the internet and there are groups in many countries.
Learning about BPD/NPD until it became like a second language and each painful memory of my ex, now had a new label, so for example her silent treatment, is now labelled as... .the actions of a weak willed passive aggressive person, unable to treat others with respect. It is no longer just silent treatment.
I found talking to friends didn't help, and I tried a couple of counsellors who didn't understand. In the end I found a specialist counsellor (in Holland funnily enough) and she and I had some telephone sessions that really helped.

The other thing is, at the time of my discard, I knew it was life changing, my future was in tatters, the girl I loved had dumped me with no closure and straight to silence, and all the fun had gone, but I also knew that as is the case with all life changing experiences, that your life changes... .as in, there is a NEW LIFE waiting and I had to find it and make it, that was on me, and I'm kinda getting there.

The other thing I'd say, is that grieving is a obviously a key part of recovery, but I found out about the stages of grieving, there are different opinions as to what they are, but here is a good list

Shock and denial
Pain and guilt
Anger and Bargaining
Depression reflection and loneliness

then

The upward turn
Reconstruction and working through
Acceptance and hope

I think I found that I moved through the different stages at different times and in different ways, and it was not linear. But I did move through them, often without even really knowing it. The shock and denial is over, there is no bargaining any more, there is no longer any pain, there is perhaps a little guilt but I am not depressed. I do still reflect, get occasional waves of anger and am lonely, as in I'd like to find someone new to share my life with. So I'm not there yet, but I do have a future, away from and separate from my expwBPD.

Now, 7 months after the stalking stopped, I finally reached the point where I don't want to talk about my ex anymore. Last week, one of my friends asked about things to do with my ex, and I said, "sorry, no, I don't want to talk about her any more, she is part of my past."

And as I heard myself say it, I thought, that's kinda great, yeah, she's part of my past, and that means I have a future, and that future is up to me. The shackles that had tied me down for so long, are beginning to break.

[cubicinch]

NC is as hard a place to deal with in the beginning as actually still being in the relationship with that person, especially for someone who gives all of themselves to a relationship, as I tend to do myself. It's going to hurt bad, and you're not fully feeling the effects of having the space to clarify and feel the relief from the pressure of how you are treated.

NC is a no mans land. In this case, it's giving you the space to continue to think that they'll come back, and be better, but in time, you'll see that that won't necessarily happen, as most here will testify. You need to do all these nice things that people are suggesting, but also find the path that leads you back to you, and looking after your own self. It's very very hard, but try to move in that direction.

[abraxus]

NC is a no mans land.

That is very true, and a person with BPD will often view it as passive aggressive, in the same way that we view their silent treatment. Unfortunately they're the experts in that regard, and will always be better at it.

If it helps, in many cases it's just as painful for them, it's just that they're more prepared to absorb that pain, and better at hiding it.

[Huh?]

It's amazing how they use silent treatment to make you feel like you are the one that was dumped Huh? When in fact you were the one that ended it... .because you realized how insignificant you were to them in a one sided relationship.  The silent treatment just affirms that fact, it's as if you don't play by their rules... .their will be no relationship.

The further Im out and am experiencing her silent treatment (8 months now)  the more I realize how unhealthy our relationship was.  My needs, were always met with silent treatment... .it was either her way or the highway, when I took the highway... .I'd hear nothing.  When eventually, I came crawling back... .she said stuff like "I missed you... .I used to look at the moon and wish you a good night every night".  Yet, I never heard from her... .and I found out she was dating others during or our brief breaks.

This is the same 33 year old woman, that would literally stick her fingers in her ears and yell, "I can't hear you! I can't hear you!" when I would try and express my side of a conflict.

So yeah, they are like children... .remember that.  Hope you feel better.   I understand the missing them part, but really think about what you are missing and how he made you feel.  They say the value of the relationship is how that person makes you feel when you leave thier company; I know I felt more lonely when I was with her than when I was without her.  I try and hold my thoughts to this fact.