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Author Topic: BPD pregnant girlfriend has ended relationship  (Read 569 times)
nonbpd-1981

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« on: March 16, 2017, 02:31:20 PM »

My ex partner (who is 4 months pregnant) ended our relationship 3 weeks ago. I have been speeking to a therapist for the last 2 months helping me through this time. After telling him bout my ex he says he is sure she has BPD, and after doing my own research I am convinced she has it too. I have been depressed due to the breakup of our relationship which started to break down 2 months ago. She has been picking arguments, verbally abusive, and ended the relationship so abruptly and quickly.

We spoke for the first time in 2 weeks last week when i asked if she and the baby were ok to which she replied the baby is fine. I then notice she had taken most of our photos together down from facebook and she had changed her relationship status to widowed. What the hell does this mean? What is she trying to say?

ps. Has anyone been through a similar experience, any advice would be helpful?
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Mutt
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« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2017, 03:45:56 PM »

Hi nonBPD-1981,

Welcome

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that, I can relate with how devastating a r/s break-up with a pwBPD is because it's so sudden and the person that you knew can become unrecognizable. It's hard to say why she had changed her status to widowed, my advise is that we don't need to assign a pathology to everything, I'm sure that  someone else here went through something similar . I'm happy to hear that you're talking to a T, it helps through traumatic experiences or life's ups and downs, have you talked to an MD about depression? How long were you in the r/s? Have you talked about custody and access?

Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality
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nonbpd-1981

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« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2017, 04:28:12 PM »

I have seen my doctor and I'm currently taking anti-depressents. We had been dating for about 10 months when she broke it off. We haven't spoke about custody or access yet, the baby isn't due until august 19th. The thing is her parents are visitng from her home country latvia this week, and i'm worried they might convince her to go back. The next baby scan is due on the 27th of march but im not sure if she will let me come or if i even want to see her. She has put me through so much pain. I haven't told her about my depression nor have i been nasty to her in response to her verbal abuse, ive been bighting my tongue most of the time because she is pregnan, but she has used the pregnancy as an excuse at every turn.

I miss the old her before she was pregnant but accept that the relationship is probably beyond repair. I just can't believe how easily she turned on me she treated me like i was her worst enemy. At first i put it down to pregnancy hormones but her hatred towards me just got worse and worse. To add the drama she also got hit by a car on january 23rd because she wasnt looking when she crossed the road. She got scared she had lost the baby but after an emergency scan everything was ok. This is when things spiralled out of control as she took her anger out on me and because i was depressed i tried to defend myself everytime we argued but she just wouldn't stop. What ever i did was wrong, even when i was being nice or giving a compliment she would through it back in my face saying i didn't care.

In the end she ended the relationship because she said i was never around even though we didnt live together (as the pregancny was unplanned) and we had planned to move in together in may so she could claim her maternity leave. Also every time i arranged to do something she would change her mind or say she didnt want to meet because we were always arguing (which we werent). I went to all the scans and doctors appointment and she was always in a mood with me over things that didnt make sense to me.

After evertything i am hurt, confused, and worried for my childs future (if it is my child as i have suspissions).
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Mutt
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« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2017, 05:38:59 PM »

Excerpt
After evertything i am hurt, confused, and worried for my childs future (if it is my child as i have suspissions).

I'd feel anxious too but the baby will be due in time, I'd give a paternity test some thought if you have your doubts .Are you familiar with the term "splitting?"
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nonbpd-1981

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« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2017, 10:05:15 AM »

I've read about splitting yes but I don't fully understand why someone would start to split you. To me I would have thought that your pregnant girlfriend would not want to do anything to jeapordise the relationship. What causes them to do this?

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Careca9

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« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2017, 10:13:37 AM »

I've read about splitting yes but I don't fully understand why someone would start to split you. To me I would have thought that your pregnant girlfriend would not want to do anything to jeapordise the relationship. What causes them to do this?



type in splitting into the search engine on psych forums. there are a number of comments from BPD sufferers on what they feel like when they trigger and split people. its interesting and horrifying to read at the same time, i found it really insightful to see how they could be seeing things. they definitely dont see or function like i do for sure, it seems all so easy for them to just discard and hate and have no remorse or wish to reconnect once they are in a rage. 
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Mutt
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« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2017, 10:18:20 AM »

I completely understand what you're saying, it makes sense to you or I. Let's take a look at a criteria for BPD.

Excerpt
a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

This is one of several criteria, why would she jeopordize the r/s? Keep in mind that a pwBPD don't have control of BPD, the behaviors are no intentional, it's something that our pwBPD are going through.

I can see how r/s's would be affected and chaotic if someone is not straddling the middle ground, I'm guilty of leaning too far one way or the other and sometimes my black and white thinking comes from depression but I can generally see the grey area's life and in people. A pwBPD see in extremes, they can't see a person as an integrated whole,  a good person has bad qualities and a bad person has good qualities. Splitting is a defense mechanism that protects a pwBPD's ego from anxiety and stress, I'm speculating when I'm saying this because there may be other factors in your r/s that I don't know about but pregnancy is probably a huge source of stress for her right now?

I can also see how black and white thinking causes suffering for the pwBPD and the fallout that it causes with loved ones and how that impacts interpersonal r/s's.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting
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nonbpd-1981

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2017, 06:28:52 PM »

The thing that's bothering me the most at the moment is why she would change her relationship status to widowed? I don't understand what this could mean. Any thoughts on this? Has anyone seen this done before because it's the first i've heard of it.
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nonbpd-1981

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2017, 07:38:41 AM »

Are there any thoughts as to why an ex girlfriend would change her facebook status to widowed?

Any feedback would be really appreciated as I don't understand what this could mean.
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Naughty Nibbler
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« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2017, 08:15:41 AM »

Are there any thoughts as to why an ex girlfriend would change her facebook status to widowed?

Any feedback would be really appreciated as I don't understand what this could mean.
I'll offer a few guesses:
You are dead to her, at this moment
You are out of her life
You are painted black to the extreme
It might bring attention or drama, when others see it
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nonbpd-1981

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2017, 04:27:38 AM »

Thanks for the suggestions.
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Duang!

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« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2017, 03:11:33 AM »

If you see my post, we have the same story... .
The reason why she leave was because I didn't marry her due to her keep angry for no reason.
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Duang!

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« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2017, 03:39:11 AM »

the reason she changed to widow is becasue she hates you too much the good of you have been dead!!
she paint you completely black.
you need to figure out how to let her flip you back to white.

my ex gf did similar thing she posted my love letter on fb and tell everybody that I hit her.
she aborted the baby too!
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