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Author Topic: The right way to detach - NC 282 days  (Read 1085 times)
StayStrongNow
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 228


« Reply #30 on: March 21, 2017, 04:50:00 PM »

I went NC, at least as much as now finally a single dad with sole custody of my 3 kids can be, after I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of the xwBPD's same stuff. Tired of getting angry and bringing up her multiple arrests, convictions, DCFS "indicated(s)" and many other wayward mishaps while she circles the drain.  Of course it's all my fault, bla, bla, bla.

I am at a point where I hope she cohabitates and or gets married ASAP not just for maintenance payments to end, but that someone else would take her away for good. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

My 2 1/2 years of separation/divorce has finally freed me of the love/sex addition these BPD's can bind with. It was me who got into this mess and it's me who is getting me out, especially keeping the NC the best it can be. There will never be another try at this, even as friends it just can't be for a BPD has only self gratifying motives to leach onto someone and they will use you until their perceived well has run dry.

Now ladies and gentlemen it's this NON's turn to move on. Thank you BPD Family for all your support!
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NCEA
aka YouwontBelieve, Markh, SBSW
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 286


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« Reply #31 on: March 21, 2017, 05:39:21 PM »

Is the inverse true? If she had tracking software and saw that you were monitoring her reading of your ads would that mean:

1. you desire contact; and
2. you're simply too dumb, and incapable of handing the breakup in a more mature manner?

Skip, I know that you don't like me and you're trying really hard to push me down, but no, you're wrong:

I'm not checking her Facebook profile, and I don't try to follow up on her. I don't read content that she's publishing and I'm not searching for recent photographs of her. I'm not Googling her name and not trying to figure out what's going on with her.

The only thing I'm doing is obtaining information about her "stalking" of me, information about her that pertains to myself.

I don't think I mentioned this, and I know that this is a little "too good to be true" but if you don't believe me, I can PM you a link and you'll see that this is the truth:

The content that I published once a week, for a year, was a short article + a 2 minutes video of me talking about a certain topic, and every video was made in a different place. So she clicked on the link not only to read my content but also to keep tabs on how I look like and where I am.

I know, this is totally CIA / NSA type of scenario... .too good to be true, but if you don't believe me, let me know and I will PM you a link so you see that I'm not BSing the board.

And one more point that I forgot to mention, I didn't think it's important but I now realise that it is:

I can completely understand your hurt, anger and disappointment. However, given that you still feel this angry after 9 months, it's hard to see how you might be successfully detaching.

I wrote last year that I was about to start a new degree. I dropped out of that program after three months and wen't on to start a career in that certain art form. Again, I don't want to give out too many personal details, I can do it in PM. Anyway, a project that I recently initiated is inspired by the relationship (it's not that, but for example, imagine that I was writing a novel about it) so I find myself having to delve in the relationship on a daily basis... .It should have been a sort of therapy, but really it had the opposite effect, making me go back to it again and again on a daily basis.

My "hurt" now is almost purely intellectual. Emotionally I'm doing great, I know that it doesn't come off as such but on a scale of 1-10 of detachment, I'd put myself on 4. If it wasn't for this "project" it would have been a 2.




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NCEA
aka YouwontBelieve, Markh, SBSW
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 286


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« Reply #32 on: March 21, 2017, 05:54:33 PM »

Perhaps you could try not checking for a week, and then upping it to two weeks and growing from there; as to detach fully you really need to get her out of your head. Of course you can't prevent random thoughts popping up, but you can stop doing things that might trigger them and keeping her in your mind.

I can simply delete that entry in the system, and not be able to check it ever again but I keep postponing it.

The much "bigger" problem is that project I mentioned above, it is going to take a few months to complete and in effect become part of my "body of work" in this particular art form... .and it's too late for me to back off. This "material" was simply too good not to transform into something else and it comes from a real lived experience, so it makes an excellent topic.

Anyway... .that's a subject for a completely different thread.



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abraxus
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #33 on: March 22, 2017, 01:59:57 PM »

I typed out a reply last night, but found that the thread was locked. Did you decide to go NC with this forum, but then changed your mind

Anyway, was just going to say that I understand your reasons now, and hopefully you appreciate that it makes it harder to detach, but I guess you have a handle on it.

Good luck with the project.
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