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Author Topic: Interrogations  (Read 337 times)
DontGiveUpOnMe
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 222


« on: March 19, 2017, 02:50:33 PM »

My UBPD mother did interrogations every weekend when I was living at home and I had to be grilled as long as she wanted. She wanted to basically get me to the point of  breaking down, the questions were "who was I talking to about her" or accusations that I was, and I wasn't, I was so isolated then... her partner would not allow me to eat at the table, I would just try very hard to get through the day.

I still live apart but weve been in contact since earlier in the year, I've helped her out financially here and there, helped her with small things, and shes helped me. Randomly out of nowhere she still goes through interrogations. She starts sending me thousands of messages saying im Evil, I'm talking to everyone... .I wish I had time to talk as much as she says I do.

Its apparently OK for her to say I'm evil to everyone and perpetuate abuse with another person towards me for years, and my punishment for defending myself is isolation and eventually abandonment.

Then I forgive her, I did tell people in my life that I was alone, I needed help, I needed a listening ear, but even in my rants, I've always simply said how much I love her, how much I wish she didn't do what she did, and I believe shes better than that.


Then she proves me wrong.

These interrogations trigger me, its literally paranoia on her part, I'm talking to no one! I'm just working and living! and I worked very hard to get to a stable point in my life... .Then when I reach out to her she gives me the silent treatment.


What do I do?
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Naughty Nibbler
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 1727



« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2017, 05:26:16 PM »

Hey  :)ontGiveUpOnMe:  
I'm sorry for the situation with your mom.  It sounds unpleasant.  

Quote from: DontGiveUpOnMe
I still live apart but weve been in contact since earlier in the year, I've helped her out financially here and there, helped her with small things, and shes helped me. Randomly out of nowhere she still goes through interrogations. She starts sending me thousands of messages saying im Evil, I'm talking to everyone... .I wish I had time to talk as much as she says I do.
 
It might be helpful for you to have a few "I" Statements handy.

I found the 19-minute video at the link below a helpful tutorial for using "I" Statements:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDExNRJCUp0

The template and sample below could be helpful as well.

Quote from: from:www.kimscounselingcorner.com/feelings-2/own-your-feelings-with-i-statements
How To Use I-Statements:

Start by identifying how you feel: mad, sad, frustrated, etc.
I feel __________

State the reason you feel this way or what happened that led you to those feelings.
when __________

Try to identify the reason the person’s actions led to those feelings for you.
because __________

Let the person know what you want instead.
I would like __________ .

Example:
Your spouse snaps at you during dinner and it really hurt your feelings. Here’s an I-statement to use with this scenario:

I feel hurt when you snap at me like that because I worked hard to cook this nice dinner for us. I would like you to use nicer words and tone with me, and to know if something happened today that has led you to be in a bad mood.

Check out the video and the template above. Additionally, a couple of samples appear below.  They might give you an idea about a type of statement that might apply to your situation.  What might your version be?  Take a crack at it and see what you come up with.

Sample 1
I love you and I want our conversations to be respectful and supportive.  I can see that you are having a bad day.  Therefore, I'm going to end this conversation.  I look forward to speaking to you when we can both enjoy a respectful conversation.

Sample 2
I want to have a respectful conversation with you, but I can tell you are upset.  I'm going to end this conversation for now.  I look forward to (talking, texting, exchanging emails), when you are feeling better.

Are the interrogations only by text, or are some of them by phone?  How have you reacted in the past, when you get so many texts?  

After looking at/listening to the video and looking over the other "I" statement information, what might your version be (or can you use an example as is)?

After sending an "I" statement by text, can you take steps to temporarily block her texts, phone calls, etc, until she gets control over herself?  How long does she carry on with the texting? (days, weeks?)


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