Almost breaking 83 days no contact

[Leelee1981]

I know I shouldn't want to message him. I know it's only my pathetic need to require validation because I feel so worthless and invalidated... .
But I want to message him.
It's so hard. I'm at 83 days and I feel no better than the first day again today... .I'm at peace most days... .the last few days are a blur and I've just wanted to sleep from the thoughts and depression.

How do you break from this?
Im scared of what he would do if I moved on... .I feel scared to love on... .I'm still here floating over message boards trying to find answers

I want to message him. And yet I know nothing good will come of it because I will ultimately be handing him his power back against
But he has power all the same... .doesn't he?

[mevz]

You are coming and going as you please. You are not answerable to him. You're in charge of your own life and happiness.
So how does he have the power exactly?
If you break NC and call him, yes then you will be placing the ball in his court to recycle or reject you.
Until then, he has absolutely no power. Remember that. 

[FallenOne]

Ask yourself this... .

Does he care enough to message you?

[Leelee1981]

 

You are coming and going as you please. You are not answerable to him. You're in charge of your own life and happiness.
So how does he have the power exactly?
If you break NC and call him, yes then you will be placing the ball in his court to recycle or reject you.
Until then, he has absolutely no power. Remember that. 

   

[Leelee1981]

Ask yourself this... .

Does he care enough to message you?

Thank you... .
No he doesn't... .

[NCEA]

Stay strong, 83 days is not a lot. You're doing great. Don't get that counter restarted again... .you've put too much progress to throw it to the trash.

[Leelee1981]

Stay strong, 83 days is not a lot. You're doing great. Don't get that counter restarted again... .you've put too much progress to throw it to the trash.

Thank you   
You're right.
Thank you for the support.

I have felt I can come here and have people understand and it's felt better to be able to voice this to people who understand and have or are going through similar.
I really feel good about that much and it's helping me a lot to come here
Thanks so much everyone 

[roberto516]

83 days is a really good time for those of us not more than a week and a half clean. Keep it up! I struggle with wondering whether I'm in control or not. And I have to remind myself that I am in control of my thoughts and that's all I have control of in the world. And the thoughts are what causes me to wonder! It's a real conundrum but when I remind myself of that and detach me from my thoughts and look at the thought from afar it brings me back to clarity. If any of that makes sense. Stay strong!

[Leelee1981]

83 days is a really good time for those of us not more than a week and a half clean. Keep it up! I struggle with wondering whether I'm in control or not. And I have to remind myself that I am in control of my thoughts and that's all I have control of in the world. And the thoughts are what causes me to wonder! It's a real conundrum but when I remind myself of that and detach me from my thoughts and look at the thought from afar it brings me back to clarity. If any of that makes sense. Stay strong!

Makes a lot of sense actually!
I find answers easily for others just not myself.
So yes if I think of this in a detached mindset like if it were someone else it makes it a hell of a lot easier to stay silent.
Smart way of thinking and looking at it.

A week was something that at one stage was so very hard for me... .you'll get there also! Thank you 
More than happy to be your support too.
You can message me anytime instead of messaging them!  
Or obviously come here like we are both doing. Which again I think is amazingly supportive and helping me a lot

[marti644]

LeeLee,

Hang in there. We are here to support you and you know deep down nothing good can come from being recycled! You're so much stronger than you think!

XXX marti

[TDeer]

If he/she won't validate you... .YOU CAN!

Or I can. A friend or a family member could too. 

You are worth contacting. This person hasn't contacted you. Try to forget them. Don't beat yourself up for having cared about them. What they showed you was a façade of good features that any normal person would likely fall for. It happens to the best of us.

You are smart. You are wise. You are looking out for yourself and asking for help, which is practical.

Come up with your own list of strengths and positive attributes and repeat them to yourself.

Write your best qualities on post-it notes and hang them throughout your living quarters.

BELIEVE that you are worth being healthy. BELIEVE that you are deserving of someone who will truly love you, not mess with you.

[allienoah]

Everyone here is so supportive!  Coming across these posts today was a blessing- I am NC for only 3 days~! The pain is incredible, but so many of these posts hit home. Do I really want to be recycled? I am not trash! Yet we all know how easy it is to jump back in hoping this time it will be better.

[lovenature]

He only has power if you let him have it; any contact shows him an attachment is still in place and he can manipulate and control you because of the F.O.G. you have been immersed in. Stay NC at all costs, the further out you get the clearer things become, it won't be linear, it will be very painful, and you will recover from this if you choose the right path.

[hopealways]

If he/she won't validate you... .YOU CAN!

Or I can. A friend or a family member could too. 

You are worth contacting. This person hasn't contacted you. Try to forget them. Don't beat yourself up for having cared about them. What they showed you was a façade of good features that any normal person would likely fall for. It happens to the best of us.

You are smart. You are wise. You are looking out for yourself and asking for help, which is practical.

Come up with your own list of strengths and positive attributes and repeat them to yourself.

Write your best qualities on post-it notes and hang them throughout your living quarters.

BELIEVE that you are worth being healthy. BELIEVE that you are deserving of someone who will truly love you, not mess with you.

IN BOLD: this is one of the best lines I have heard so far. YOU ARE WORTH CONTACTING. I love this.
Remind yourselves of this! YOU ARE WORTH CONTACTING.