It's been a year now and I am still thinking about my ex - I guess now especially because the break-up date was about a year ago this time. Why am I still so hurt?
Because it was one of the most emotional events of your life.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
When I am working I'm fine, when I am alone, I am not fine.
I can relate so strongly to that.
I think this article is really good.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0I think meditation and gratitude journals are also very good.
Reading books and articles and everything helped.
But spending time on bpdfamily & trying to help others, helped more than anything.
I am feeling sad and broken-hearted. I have sought therapy. I have read a great deal on this topic. I have watched countless empowering videos. I have journaled a great deal to epic proportions. I have socialized with friends. I have spent quality time with myself.
This is the first week I've felt truely detached.
Up until this week - I alternated between sadness and anger.
I've been getting excited this week - because I've been getting to a certain point in the day - think about my BPDex - and then realise it's the first time I've thought of her in the day.
And yet, I am now going through flashbacks - like PTSD - and I do not want to trivialize that disorder. I just feel that when I am triggered by her name or by anything remotely connected to my ex, I am weak. I had suffered three breaks from her in a period of three years.
Sure - don't trivialise the disorder, but also don't trivialise what you went through... .Labelling yourself as weak, because of what you are experiencing. Don't do that.
Recognise you are strong - because you survived all that.
I think you must have more compassion for yourself.
A disordered relationship is one of the most painful experiences a human being can endure.
People who've not experienced it simply will never understand.
But we've experienced it. And we understand you.
And the final break-up was very hard on me because I should never have taken her back the second time around.
I feel I truly betrayed myself.
No, you didn't.
You didn't even betray your ex.
You did the best you could. There is nothing to feel guilt for. There is nothing to be ashamed about.
It was a disordered relationship.
It's not your fault.
Yet, I can't seem to let go.
I think - in making this post - and the thoughts and emotions you are describing - you are in fact in the process of letting go.
It's not a linear process.
And for some people, it's hard to truely let go - until they meet somebody else.
No I have not contacted her and never will - my dignity was robbed from me twice -I will not allow that to happen again. Bit even though I am intellectually aware of how toxic this person was, I am still attached.
Feels like Cognitive Dissonance, doesn't it?
Yet it's completely routine for people who've been in disordered relationships.
The key that probably helps to unlock this door - is recognising that you are attached to attachment - not to her.
You miss attachment, not her.
I suppose the one year break-up anniversary is a trigger for me. And my sentimental and nostalgic side is doing more harm than good. I guess I need some help.
I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself.
You are here.
You are actively addressing this.
I think you're doing pretty good actually. It just doesn't feel like that - and I totally understand it - because I've been there.
But Intellectual and Emotional alignment is a process, not a state.
I'm sentimental and nostalgic too. I look for meanings in things.
I kind of felt it was doing more harm than good... .for a while.
I guess I feel differently about that now - I realise it gave impetus to work through difficult thoughts and emotions, that I may otherwise not have had.
Do you feel lonely?
Are you dating?
Have you been involved with anyone since the Cluster B relationship ended?
What are you doing for self care - during the times when you are alone?
