My head is still spinning

[Boxone]

Hello, i am in the process of trying to escape the 2nd sociopath partner i have had. in nov 14 fell in love with my first sociopath   after becoming homeless, jobless, broke and sucidal i dated my 2nd sociopath in september 16 who, funnily enough, was a great help in getting me to escape the first. Since nov 14 i have had a motorbike accident, losing my job , losing my house, losing my confidence, becoming homless, attempting sucide (overdose)  on the wrong side of the law, (before being able to overdose)

i feel i have been kept dependant on my partner who, via yet another ridiculous argument has now been AVO by police

I am lost , i dont know myself r what to do and i am scared. Any support would be appeciated .

[Chaffers]

 Is your head spinning literally, as though you are drunk?

Mine certainly is and has been for nine months now. Yet another doctors appointment later and a car scan this afternoon.

 I think it's psychological. Whilst it's anyways there since I discovered the wife is a borderline it seems to spin more if I talk to her.

 Could be you are attracted to a certain type, I think I might be. Not all my relationships have been with BPDs or similar but I'm certainly analysing some of my previous girlfriends and wondering whether it is a pattern.

Either way for warned is forearmed so I guess the first thing is to ensure it can never happen again. This is entirely our responsibility and might point to a defect in our characters.

Second, give yourself a break. Ok getting hit by two buses is worse than just one but you were still deserving of better. We need to sort ourselves out. Take what responsibility is due, learn the lessons and get back on our feet.

 I'm only a month or so away from losing my house. I'm really not sure whether this is as bad a thing as it sounds. Lots of very negative memories here. Very lonely and angry. Maybe a new start somewhere else might be a blessing in disguise?