Hey again Munequit: I heard about my mom trashing me and my family from my sister. . . My brother asks me every day if I have talked to my parents, when I'm planning on doing so, if I have spoken to my sister who he considers to be a trouble maker, if I don't think it is about time for me to call my parents, etc.
Sounds like you have a drama triangle with your sister and brother.
What do you think is behind your sister telling you the negative things your mom says? Sounds like she might be getting something out of instigating disputes between you and your mother? You sister has some agenda, what do you think it is?
Things people say don't have power, unless you give it power.
My parent would make comments about my sister, from time to time, but I never once considered repeating anything to my sister. I had no doubt that from time to time, things were mentioned about me when I wasn't there. I choose not to give those situations any power. It really doesn't matter what someone says about me, as I'll never please everyone. To some degree, there is some talking behind most people's backs. Someone doesn't like what you wore, your hair, spouse/boyfriend too old or too young (or too much or not enough of something). There can always be something that doesn't match what they want something to be.
I've had a similar code in the work place. Some people gossip and some people love to talk about someone behind their back and criticize. I've never gone to someone and told them that so and so said this or that about them. I've always thought that someone who does that is trying to instigate trouble or is just a gossip. There is nothing good to come from it, so I let it go without validating or repeating the comment.
Your sister may be playing the part of the prosecutor, but it sounds like your brother is playing the part of the rescuer.
How is your brother contacting you every day (call, text, email?). Check out the link on the drama triangle and see if you agree on the roles: You as the victim, your sister as the prosecutor (perhaps by proxy) and your brother as the rescuer?
Life could be a lot simpler if you set boundaries with both siblings. I'm thinking your sister needs to stop coming to you about things she hears your mom say. If everyone has someone coming to them and telling them every negative things someone said about them, we'd all be fighting.
Your brother needs some boundaries as well. Sounds like you have tried to tell him you don't want to talk about when you might call your parents. You need to enforce your boundary by terminating the conversation as soon as he brings up the topic. i.e. I need to let you go. We can chat another time about something other than when I might call mom. (then hang up). It it's a text message or email, don't answer it.
Boundaries are no good without consistent enforcement. What do you think about telling your sister that you don't want her to come to you and tattle about negative comments your mom makes?
Sounds like there are multiple issues with all family members. Boundaries and communication skills can make things better. Changes take time. How you communicate can make a big difference. and not invalidating (and validating) can make things better.