Introduction

[RufusTFirefly]

Hi —

I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm new to this forum, but have been in a difficult relationship for almost two years at this point. My partner hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but shows signs that sound like she may be suffering from the disorder.

We tend to fight a lot over things that seem really small to me. If she thinks I'm looking at someone else, it will ruin the entire day for her and it may take hours of reassurance to help her feel better. She can't let things go — conversations we had over a year ago still got brought up in arguments. She blames me for everything and when I ask her if there's any part of a situation that's her responsibility, she says no because I started it. And she has an intense fear of abandonment — if I tell her I need to step away from a given argument for a few minutes, she accuses me of abandoning her when she needs me most. Sometimes I feel like a punching bag and a security blanket at the same time.

I suffer from depression (which I'm treating with the help of a very good therapist as well as medication prescribed by a doctor), so that makes a difficult relationship even tougher because my depressive outbursts can follow some of the emotionally draining episodes and they can also trigger another one (earlier in the relationship, her response to me crying was to yell at me — but she's mostly stopped doing that).

She also didn't want me to see a therapist and, for the first few months, insisted on sitting in on the sessions with me. We've gotten past that.

I'm making an effort to be kind to myself and put myself first while still supporting her and her children. And part of that is signing up for this forum so I can be part of a community of people who are going through something similar to what I am.

I look forward to meeting you all and am very thankful to have this resource as a support.

 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[allienoah]

Hi —

I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm new to this forum, but have been in a difficult relationship for almost two years at this point. My partner hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but shows signs that sound like she may be suffering from the disorder.

We tend to fight a lot over things that seem really small to me. If she thinks I'm looking at someone else, it will ruin the entire day for her and it may take hours of reassurance to help her feel better. She can't let things go — conversations we had over a year ago still got brought up in arguments. She blames me for everything and when I ask her if there's any part of a situation that's her responsibility, she says no because I started it. And she has an intense fear of abandonment — if I tell her I need to step away from a given argument for a few minutes, she accuses me of abandoning her when she needs me most. Sometimes I feel like a punching bag and a security blanket at the same time.

Hello and welcome! I am sorry you are suffering so. I can just imagine your frustration dealing with your partner and depression. I am dealing with the same. The fights so often are over things that are really small to me. I tend to try not to sweat the small stuff. He focuses on every little thing when it comes to me. He is careless about his own stuff-always forgetting keys, appointments, etc. Yet he could tell you something I said or did no matter how insignificant 3 months ago. And it is frustrating when they don't allow you to leave to collect yourself during an argument. Sometimes I am held hostage on the phone for hours. or he keeps calling back.

The people here are very helpful and understanding. Great advice is freely given with no judgment.
Hang in there!