Going from NC to LC this Thursday and I'm freaking out

[Charlie3236]

I've been learning so much from this site over the past year, but I still feel very unprepared to spend time around BPD little sis. She has a knack for knowing exactly what buttons to push and when to get people really riled-up. She's sweet as pie until just the right moment when she sees that defenses are down, then she hammers ya. I feel I need to keep the visit very short and be prepared to deflect and or/leave. We're meeting in public, so that's a safeguard. I just wish I had a list of the zingers she's preparing so I don't get so defensive!

Does someone have the link for the SET approach, I can't find it anywhere.
Thanks!

[Panda39]

Take a deep breath 

Here is a link on SET https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0
Good to get a refresher on SET better communication can only help when meeting with your sister.

You might also think about what your boundaries will be.  You've already set a couple of boundaries by having this meeting in a public setting and keeping it short.  If she starts throwing out those zingers do you have boundaries around that?

I think having a plan before hand can help if things become emotional, it's hard to think on your feet when emotions are high.  I think preparation can help.  I tend to come from a 3 strikes and you're out frame of mind... .

Zinger
Use SET to tell her that was hurtful

Zinger
Tell her your boundary (SET - boundary)

Zinger
Enforce your boundary

Hopefully all will go well and you have a nice lunch together but if it doesn't you can always leave... .this isn't mean, this isn't rude, this is taking care of you.

Good luck, I hope you have a nice visit with your sister.

Panda39

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Charlie3236:   

Best wishes with your meeting with your sister.   

Another tool to use is "I" Statement  .  It could help to think through some past issues and perhaps prepare some "I" Statements in advance.  It can take some practice.