Husband Disgust me

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been married a little over a year, and have been with my SO 5 years. When I say I hate him, I HATE him!, I do not love him, and I don't think I ever did. He was a rebound, My first husband was killed and I think I was desperate to fill the void. Anyway, he is unbearably annoying, Talks too much, too loud, constantly needs to be the center of attention, Makes dumb corny jokes and laughs hysterically at them ( the only one btw), he's a pathological liar, Always horny, doesn't like to wear underwear, extremely greedy, he's a thief, and literally acts like he's 10 years old. I know you're wondering what the heck is wrong with me for marrying an idiot like him, and I ask myself the same question everyday. fast forward I have 2 kids from a previous relationship, ages 12 and 19, and we have a 1 year old and I'm currently 8 months pregnant. The only way we have sex is by him begging until I give in and when I do I just literally lay there telling him to hurry up before I throw up, no lie. Anyway I need to get away from him but the problem is how? if he didn't know where I worked I would find a place and sneak out in the middle of the night and never look back. My problem is I know he's gonna stalk me, and I hate to go thru the whole restraining order thing, and worrying about him jumping out from under my car. I'm really scared of him because of all the characteristics I listed earlier. He must be insane, right? only a normal person would accept that he's not wanted and work towards moving on, but he's not normal at all. Everything I'm typing I tell him at least once a week, and he just says " well no ones relationship is perfect or people aren't meant to be happy", I'm like huh? I'm not proud but I also tell him to his face at least once a week that I hope he gets shot in the mouth and dies, or gets in a horrible car accident. I feel so stuck, and I know once I leave he's gonna use the kids as a reason to see me. He already told me if I leave him he's taking the kids and the only way I can see them is if I move back together with him. I'm desperate, please tell me where to start, why wont he get it thru his big head that I don't want him? I even created a profile on a dating app right in front of him using his picture and flirting with girls giving his phone number out, encouraging him to find somebody else but he just laughed it off, what the heck is wrong with him? I'm soo stressed I cry every other day, I purposely look unattractive, I even shaved all my hair off and he still wont leave me alone. I sleep in my daughters room and he tries to come in every night and I fight him off ,its mentally and physically draining any advice?, should I quit my job and move across the US? please respond I'm desperate

[Survivor37]

I have been married a little over a year, and have been with my SO 5 years. When I say I hate him, I HATE him!, I do not love him, and I don't think I ever did. He was a rebound, My first husband was killed and I think I was desperate to fill the void. Anyway, he is unbearably annoying, Talks too much, too loud, constantly needs to be the center of attention, Makes dumb corny jokes and laughs hysterically at them ( the only one btw), he's a pathological liar, Always horny, doesn't like to wear underwear, extremely greedy, he's a thief, and literally acts like he's 10 years old. I know you're wondering what the heck is wrong with me for marrying an idiot like him, and I ask myself the same question everyday. fast forward I have 2 kids from a previous relationship, ages 12 and 19, and we have a 1 year old and I'm currently 8 months pregnant. The only way we have sex is by him begging until I give in and when I do I just literally lay there telling him to hurry up before I throw up, no lie. Anyway I need to get away from him but the problem is how? if he didn't know where I worked I would find a place and sneak out in the middle of the night and never look back. My problem is I know he's gonna stalk me, and I hate to go thru the whole restraining order thing, and worrying about him jumping out from under my car. I'm really scared of him because of all the characteristics I listed earlier. He must be insane, right? only a normal person would accept that he's not wanted and work towards moving on, but he's not normal at all. Everything I'm typing I tell him at least once a week, and he just says " well no ones relationship is perfect or people aren't meant to be happy", I'm like huh? I'm not proud but I also tell him to his face at least once a week that I hope he gets shot in the mouth and dies, or gets in a horrible car accident. I feel so stuck, and I know once I leave he's gonna use the kids as a reason to see me. He already told me if I leave him he's taking the kids and the only way I can see them is if I move back together with him. I'm desperate, please tell me where to start, why wont he get it thru his big head that I don't want him? I even created a profile on a dating app right in front of him using his picture and flirting with girls giving his phone number out, encouraging him to find somebody else but he just laughed it off, what the heck is wrong with him? I'm soo stressed I cry every other day, I purposely look unattractive, I even shaved all my hair off and he still wont leave me alone. I sleep in my daughters room and he tries to come in every night and I fight him off ,its mentally and physically draining any advice?, should I quit my job and move across the US? please respond I'm desperate

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ForeverDad]

Can you contact your local DV resources offices?  At least some of his behaviors are poor.  Local DV help would be more able to address the problems with local responses.

However, you would be smart to stop making extreme comments about him, there's a real possibility that he could be building a case against you.  Ponder that.  We encourage our members to be respectful yet not verbally retaliate.  Accusatory verbal jabs don't help to defuse the immediate situation and could be used against you someday.

What I'm worried about is that if the police are called or a court case starts that the mutual jabs and bickering could be misconstrued as coming from both of you.  You want to be perceived as the more stable and believable spouse.  Does that make sense?

[takingandsending]

Hello Survivor37 and Welcome to bpdfamily.

Sounds like the household is in chaos right now, which is stressful for everyone, and you are particularly vulnerable with the pregnancy. You mention possibly getting a restraining order but are concerned about being stalked. I agree with ForeverDad that you should contact your area's domestic violence resource hotline. It would probably be a good idea to develop a safety plan if your husband has any history of physical restraint or violence. How are your children doing in all of this turmoil? Are they safe? Are you seeing a therapist or do you have any support system that you can dissipate some of your stress?

As ForeverDad notes, escalating the conflict is not wise. Most of the communication tools on this site focus on how not to make things worse. Is that something that you are willing to try?

I am sorry for the suffering you are feeling. You are not alone and things can get better. Keep posting. Other folks will come along as a sounding board and support.