A msg they snt me a month ago describing how they feel

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

This was sent while he requested s break, but if I needed help we could talk... so after three days I reached out to them and this is what they replied.  This is what they had me believing most of the time that they just didn't know how to interact with people... .this was his nice persona I can tell by the way it is written.

written about 1 month ago:
It's a confliction of feelings .Anxiety, depression and loneliness . Being alone so long you forget how to be with another person . Not to mention while being a shut in you become accustom to a few things that make you feel safe in control and comfortable.
A change in this pattern leads to anxiety . Ill love to get out of this but sadly it has my mind in a trap . I gave up on life 6 years ago and was alone for much longer then that well over a decade now .

Need to pull out of this . Get back to life . Just feel it might be too late

[Idsrvt2]

This was sent while he requested s break, but if I needed help we could talk... so after three days I reached out to them and this is what they replied.  This is what they had me believing most of the time that they just didn't know how to interact with people... .this was his nice persona I can tell by the way it is written.

written about 1 month ago:
It's a confliction of feelings .Anxiety, depression and loneliness . Being alone so long you forget how to be with another person . Not to mention while being a shut in you become accustom to a few things that make you feel safe in control and comfortable.
A change in this pattern leads to anxiety . Ill love to get out of this but sadly it has my mind in a trap . I gave up on life 6 years ago and was alone for much longer then that well over a decade now .

Need to pull out of this . Get back to life . Just feel it might be too late

[Chaffers]

 Quite a nice message...   Until the last line.

Then a hinted threat.

Mine never put threats of suicide etc in writing, or even hints of them. More dramatic face to face.

 Might as well read, please let me recycle you!   

[Idsrvt2]

Here are a few more sent during another breakup where he texted me out of the blue and cut me off for like a day-- it helps posting these here so i can see this for what it was and why i feel so screwed up.   THis was from a site were are both on and often i would msg him there and his nice persona would come out on that site.   he has me blocked there i have to say with good reason as i posted some not so nice comments to some of his photos on there after the horrid last breakup.

so yes he was going thru  a hard time, but so was I as well.  but is it just me or is this mostly all bout him.  

I hate knowing I hurt you . Never cheated on you that's insane . Wonted you to be my Duchess and treat you as such but you wonted some thing different . You knew I'm going through a hard time and yet still you send ranting tex messages even after I told you how they upset me . My sister only worries about me told you that but your anxiety took it too far .

I'm vey sorry this didn't work out . only hoped you the best .

Never meant you harm but I can't keep going one moment great fun then have you blow up with some crazy fit over some thing I said with out meaning any harm




Told you I reread your tex messages to torture my self over and over . you told me to delete them . tried to work out the issue with my sister before I left you the other night but you still sent me another tex . even after I told you what she said shouldn't upset you seeing how she never met you .------------
Ill live my life alone , now I know for sure that I could never be with some one I'm far too gone and only make others suffer with out wonted to do so .

[Idsrvt2]

That last line was to suck me back in I believe, and I replied very nicely, most of the time on that site he was very sweet as that is where the female persona goes.   the last line meant that it is too later for him and he would just live alone in his room on a floor next to a computer screen.   my reply was very encouraging,and I told him it never was too late for him and I still believed he had a chance in life again.     when he was not hurting me I treated him very well.    this is why i struggle he kicked me out got the PO and made sure I was gone... .with me gone now he can just stay in that room.   its very difficult.

Quite a nice message...   Until the last line.

Then a hinted threat.

Mine never put threats of suicide etc in writing, or even hints of them. More dramatic face to face.

 Might as well read, please let me recycle you!   

[Chaffers]

Here's the last substantive one I got...


When you say these accusational confessions or project its usually just before a crash ... especially the hateful ones.  There is the ignoring  after devaluation and then the disguard... then the continued obsession and hate of me then she either realises you are still  obsessing or she/they get tired of you then you crash a bit and then come back ... if this is the "lucky" one from when i was pregnant with George it would explain why youre not talking to your parents ... youve spoken to them  when they didnt include you in family get togethers ... sorry it was just not invite you to sit at the family table... it has nothing to do with the children obvioysly you wouldnt try and sabbotage everything if you gave a crap and you would jump tjroufh hoops and go to at least one meeting... if its a completely new person or persons... apparently they enjooy the idealisation a bit longer because you get to take you crap out and sub your moods  and explanations onto your scapegoats so far myself.   But there is always a crash so i would think about appolgising to your parents at some points  with no scapegoats available then the golden period doesnt last as long.


That's from about a week after I confronted her over being borderline. The pseudopyscho mumbo isn't new though she appears to have modified it into an accusation that I'm the borderline.

Did get her interviewed by a psych who reported Histrionic traits. Reading the report back though it's pretty clear she's minimised some key features ( missed out childhood neglect and abuse etc)   hence why I think she's always known she's borderline.

[Idsrvt2]

here is a good one to with my reply to him below--- im not sure why he feared me he wrote me the same during the last breakup too, i sometimes got mad and would send a bunch of texts... and once he said that sounded like his father... .none were mean they were just me venting.
so here is is explaining how he felt after dumping me via text before one of his Dr appointments.

this is how all the breakups usually happened except the final one, where he just seemed to be more mean to me and I used that site to kinda attack him in a way and I was blocked.   that was usually where he would go to type me these type of msgs.    I can see by posting these just how he would recycle me, but i also see how calm i was too.   I kinda wish i could have been like that, on that day when the horrible break up happened.   I guess my mind just could not take it.  

him: Oh wonderful , A lovely do for all . Felt like evrry thing had caved in after that damn tex. Couldn't get over it was the worse thing i could do . you scare me some times .

Me-Why do I scare you?

Him:  :)on't know if your going to hurt me like i was hurt or some crazy thing like that .

Me: oh, so u have some trust issues with me... ok thats fair enough given your past.

i do not hurt people... .unless they hurt me and today you saw that.

yea u need some form of punishment for this type of thing... .or massaging me for hours seems fitting.

me:see this open communication is needed... .otherwise things get messed up fast... given we both are very emotional people

him:sending dirty messages to you for hours

Would love to see you come over wearing nothing but your fishnets under your long trench coat ill be kneeling waiting for you to enter at the door so I may worship your feet on the way in

Guess that's perverted me talking . It's very late and feel we need to sleep. Will need time to think and see how and were this is going .

Have a good night be well

[Idsrvt2]

was that you writing to her or her writing to you?

he went to the psychologist the day before i was dumped, she supposedly said to him maybe he just is not a people person and there is a lot to work on.  who knows if he ever went back as he told her he wouldnt be able to do appts as he has work.  I told him go at nite, as this is very important.  I have no clue if he is going... as he seems to still be working daily.   I cant believe six years prior he was not reclusive and acted normal.   I just dunno.   there is a huge part of me that wishes he did not cut me off like he did.   especially not now in a time that I was already dealing with some rough stuff.

Here's the last substantive one I got...


When you say these accusational confessions or project its usually just before a crash ... especially the hateful ones.  There is the ignoring  after devaluation and then the disguard... then the continued obsession and hate of me then she either realises you are still  obsessing or she/they get tired of you then you crash a bit and then come back ... if this is the "lucky" one from when i was pregnant with George it would explain why youre not talking to your parents ... youve spoken to them  when they didnt include you in family get togethers ... sorry it was just not invite you to sit at the family table... it has nothing to do with the children obvioysly you wouldnt try and sabbotage everything if you gave a crap and you would jump tjroufh hoops and go to at least one meeting... if its a completely new person or persons... apparently they enjooy the idealisation a bit longer because you get to take you crap out and sub your moods  and explanations onto your scapegoats so far myself.   But there is always a crash so i would think about appolgising to your parents at some points  with no scapegoats available then the golden period doesnt last as long.


That's from about a week after I confronted her over being borderline. The pseudopyscho mumbo isn't new though she appears to have modified it into an accusation that I'm the borderline.

Did get her interviewed by a psych who reported Histrionic traits. Reading the report back though it's pretty clear she's minimised some key features ( missed out childhood neglect and abuse etc)   hence why I think she's always known she's borderline.

[Chaffers]

Her writing to me.

Not sure whether it's healthy sharing texts. Feels good though. :D

[Idsrvt2]

I think it is healthy to share so we see them for who they are, for me im only two weeks from seeing him in court and not even a month since the breakup... the PO really hit me hard lately. I guess though he is now happy.     

Her writing to me.

Not sure whether it's healthy sharing texts. Feels good though. :D

[Chaffers]

 At times it was as though she'd put her threats and accusations into writing just so she could show other people, especially if she hit a nerve and got some angry responses from me.

Along with constant tales of how x or y had told her how distrusted they were with my behaviour, despite her defending me of course.

 Hence there has been a certain fear attached to them. As though she's actually preparing accusations we both know aren't true for other people to see. Why else would she blather on about things that never happened that way or talk with certainty about my supposed unfaithfulness etc?

If they use them as a weapon then they only remain so whilst private...

[Idsrvt2]

i know what you are talking about, i think mine did the same... on the first date he told me his niece what to come and find me and beat me up and his sister things im crazy and will burn the neighbors house down if we ever broke up.  this all came from him yelling at me while he was delivering mail telling me what i now think is the truth about him.   so I got upset and sent some text to him... supposedly the family grabbed the phone from him... .   but i think he would do things so i would get upset and text and then its like im some nutcase.    my texts were never threatening but i would send quite  few of them.   supposedly he stuck up for me and said i was just venting and the cop family member joked about a PO and then said well she must really care if she is saying all that about you.    im not sure if any of that took place because when i msg with his mom that he was going to kill himself she said she did not think i was crazy as she never met me.    so i wonder if the sister even said i was a nutcase.   or if that was him just trying to intimidate... i feel like i was set up... .if you think about that first date... and him saying all that and then in the end that is how it all played out... the PO and all. 

there minds dont work like ours do that is for sure... .your x sounds much like mine although she babbled more than mine did.  mine rarely wrote things unless he was in female persona mode then he did.  and he almost sounded like a child in msgs.   he wasnt used to relationships recluse for 6 years... women get upset if they are in pain and you dump them.     

At times it was as though she'd put her threats and accusations into writing just so she could show other people, especially if she hit a nerve and got some angry responses from me.

Along with constant tales of how x or y had told her how distrusted they were with my behaviour, despite her defending me of course.

 Hence there has been a certain fear attached to them. As though she's actually preparing accusations we both know aren't true for other people to see. Why else would she blather on about things that never happened that way or talk with certainty about my supposed unfaithfulness etc?

If they use them as a weapon then they only remain so whilst private...

[Idsrvt2]

to be fair here is a msg i sent him... one of many when he broke up with me... i just snapped, in pain and stressed from other life issues... and dumped.    i guess it was rather harsh... .i dont think he showed his atty these as this is on the female account-- the worst i called him was loser and he actually loved being degraded so.   ah well i have july to look fwd to seeing him again and having it all open back up... so i feel like i cant really heal until that is over.   


U have no empathy look up narcassist... .u should have all ur past resolved withbtherapy by now u waited too long... .u keep bringing up how people did u wrong

Well look what u did to me... .in pain from PT... .a natural response is to offer help, bring food over etc.

Not u... .it's Friday n I'm dumped... .why? Because ur a cheater

I stand by my words u have violated me I never will trust u have ruined me

And u sit and have no feelings at all... .no remorse at all

No one can believe this... .I now know I was used, violated beyond words.

U succeeded I never will be intimate again as I will never know if they r faking like u a fraud