I think you are very brave to leave. "Working hard" for someone you love, is something you should be proud of, and it says lot about who you are. I feel shattered and destroyed and ruined too, and it's devastating. It's a long road ahead, but it's a road you deserve to walk on.
I recently read this quote by Cheryl Strayed:
Accept that their actions hurt you deeply.
Accept that this experience taught you something you didn't want to know.
Accept that sorrow and strife are part of even a joyful life.
Accept that it's going to take a long time for you to get that monster out of your chest.
Accept that someday what pains you now will surely pain you less.
K
Thank you so much .BL... .I am gonna write the quote down... .sad part in a few weeks she will try to reel me back... ,... I can't do it anymore