Shattered and confused

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I dated this girl for 10 months and we broke up in December last year.I initiated it because I got tired of her insulting me, constantly complaining that I wasn't doing enough to show her how much I loved her, she constantly wanted reassurance, she wanted me to adore her and basically revolve my life around her and i'm an independent person that likes to have my own personal time but she wanted to be with me 24/7. I'm here because i'm completely shattered and heartbroken and I have no one to talk to about this.

She is a model that is really active on social media and she already started dating this guy she met while we were together whom she told me was a friend and they seem to be pretty serious from what I've seen, she started posting pictures of herself with this guy 4weeks after we broke up. Its almost like I never existed. I tried talking her back into getting together but it was like she had developed a hatred for me out of nowhere, she told me she had moved on and blocked me on every possible platform, blamed the relationship failing on me not making her happy and basically treated me like I was a piece of ___.

The relationship started really incredible, she bombarded me with attention, sex, gifts and was already being possessive after like 3 weeks of dating... she would get angry if I liked another girl's pictures on social media, get pissed I didn't put pictures of her on my page, I was feeling overwhelmed at this point so I told her we were moving a little bit too fast and she got disrespectful and insulted me for not loving her or caring about her.

She was becoming annoying at this point and I didn't want to hurt her so I told her it would be best we went our separate ways as I wanna take things slow and I feel rushed and she broke down crying and begged me not to leave her, I gave in and told her I would try to make it work. A lot of this behavior kept going on and on, she would get angry if came 1 min late to pick her up for an outing, she would not allow me to get involved in my hobbies even if I try to involve her, she would rather we spent time together. She actually hit me while we were in bed together because I was busy on my computer, and she wanted to cuddle instead, her whole life revolved around me, she started losing interest in her friends and her education and would rather just be with me.

Fast forward to dating after like 5 months, same thing again... .She got really disrespectful because I wasn't reassuring her how much I cared for her and told me I have no life and since I have no life, I should wanna be with her 24/7.

I was getting really fed up with this because I had been good to this girl, I cooked for her when she came over to my place, I was always there for her everytime she needed me, I just wanted to do things on my own time, not have her force me to go out of my way to please her everytime. I took a break from her again, she begged and pleaded but never apologized for all the insults and slight digs, she never apologized for anything... when I tried to stand my my ground she would say i'm too sensitive.

I decided to give her another chance again and she actually stopped being angry all the time and negative for a while but it all came back in December again with the same complaints, this time she started comparing me to her guy friends that give her more attention than I do (WE ARE PRETTY MUCH TOGETHER EVERYDAY).

At this point I was worn out with her constant negativity and I felt like I needed a break again cos she refused to answer my calls for 2 days straight and then told me she didn't feel like talking. Come to find out she is in a relationship after 3 weeks of a breakup and its all over her social media, she treats me like a peasant now, I cant even get her to talk to me, it sucks cos she kept professing her undying love for me and her feelings growing stronger just a few weeks before we broke up.

Is this normal at all, am I crazy?

[Confused3124]

I dated this girl for 10 months and we broke up in December last year.I initiated it because I got tired of her insulting me, constantly complaining that I wasn't doing enough to show her how much I loved her, she constantly wanted reassurance, she wanted me to adore her and basically revolve my life around her and i'm an independent person that likes to have my own personal time but she wanted to be with me 24/7. I'm here because i'm completely shattered and heartbroken and I have no one to talk to about this.

She is a model that is really active on social media and she already started dating this guy she met while we were together whom she told me was a friend and they seem to be pretty serious from what I've seen, she started posting pictures of herself with this guy 4weeks after we broke up. Its almost like I never existed. I tried talking her back into getting together but it was like she had developed a hatred for me out of nowhere, she told me she had moved on and blocked me on every possible platform, blamed the relationship failing on me not making her happy and basically treated me like I was a piece of ___.

The relationship started really incredible, she bombarded me with attention, sex, gifts and was already being possessive after like 3 weeks of dating... she would get angry if I liked another girl's pictures on social media, get pissed I didn't put pictures of her on my page, I was feeling overwhelmed at this point so I told her we were moving a little bit too fast and she got disrespectful and insulted me for not loving her or caring about her.

She was becoming annoying at this point and I didn't want to hurt her so I told her it would be best we went our separate ways as I wanna take things slow and I feel rushed and she broke down crying and begged me not to leave her, I gave in and told her I would try to make it work. A lot of this behavior kept going on and on, she would get angry if came 1 min late to pick her up for an outing, she would not allow me to get involved in my hobbies even if I try to involve her, she would rather we spent time together. She actually hit me while we were in bed together because I was busy on my computer, and she wanted to cuddle instead, her whole life revolved around me, she started losing interest in her friends and her education and would rather just be with me.

Fast forward to dating after like 5 months, same thing again... .She got really disrespectful because I wasn't reassuring her how much I cared for her and told me I have no life and since I have no life, I should wanna be with her 24/7.

I was getting really fed up with this because I had been good to this girl, I cooked for her when she came over to my place, I was always there for her everytime she needed me, I just wanted to do things on my own time, not have her force me to go out of my way to please her everytime. I took a break from her again, she begged and pleaded but never apologized for all the insults and slight digs, she never apologized for anything... when I tried to stand my my ground she would say i'm too sensitive.

I decided to give her another chance again and she actually stopped being angry all the time and negative for a while but it all came back in December again with the same complaints, this time she started comparing me to her guy friends that give her more attention than I do (WE ARE PRETTY MUCH TOGETHER EVERYDAY).

At this point I was worn out with her constant negativity and I felt like I needed a break again cos she refused to answer my calls for 2 days straight and then told me she didn't feel like talking. Come to find out she is in a relationship after 3 weeks of a breakup and its all over her social media, she treats me like a peasant now, I cant even get her to talk to me, it sucks cos she kept professing her undying love for me and her feelings growing stronger just a few weeks before we broke up.

Is this normal at all, am I crazy?

[once removed]

hi Confused3124 and

you sound exhausted. im very sorry for the circumstances that brought you here ,but glad you found us.

i think youll find quickly that you share a great deal in common with the membership here. most of our relationships ended traumatically, and for many, seemingly suddenly. it was very difficult for me to fathom my ex jumping so quickly into a new relationship. i imagine this is very painful for you.

it sounds like you may be feeling conflicted as well. similar to you, i had a foot out the door for a lot of the relationship, but i was no less devastated when it ended.

im sorry to hear you have no one to talk to about this. we are here 24/7. in addition to reaching out for support here, have you considered seeing a therapist? many members have found it an invaluable resource as they work to deal with some very complex grief.

[Confused3124]

Thank you. I'm seriously considering seeing one as I've never been through anything like this before, I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown, I just cant understand why a normal person would behave in this manner, I'm in a state of shock

[once removed]

it will get better. in many cases, it will feel that it gets worse before it gets better. expect this. expect extreme highs and lows. the first three to six months were a very dark time for me. healing is not linear, and everyone will go at a different pace, but there will likely be times (like now) where you feel that you are losing your mind.

this site is a good addition to (not replacement for) a therapist. we have lessons directly to the right, that will help you to learn more about the disorder and process what you have experienced, in addition to tools that will help you cope. knowledge is power, and it will help you, over time, to depersonalize the very hurtful behavior youve been on the receiving end of.

and of course, lean on us here. share your thoughts and feelings, ask questions. we are here to help.

[Confused3124]

Its like she would do things to push me away but gets angry if I don't take the abusive treatment, she told me she was bullied as a child but I don't even know if that was true or she was just saying it to get sympathy, I feel like I tolerated way too much and eventually got betrayed for it, I've talked to some of my family members about it and they were shocked themselves because they thought she was an innocent girl but no one knew what I went through when it was just us both.

I guess I just have to move on because it seems I never meant anything to this girl, jumping so quickly into another relationship and treating me with complete disregard is not something I've ever seen.

[once removed]

it seems I never meant anything to this girl

i can understand how it would feel this way, upon seeing her jump into another relationship.

people with BPD lack a stable sense of self, and look for partners to complete them. it is likely that you meant a great deal. additionally, people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment. if you couple that with impulsivity (jumping into a new relationship) you have a defense mechanism, a survival technique against feeling the fear (or reality) of abandonment.

it hurts us a great deal, and in that pain, the knowledge of this is a small comfort, but it makes what is very hurtful, and very surreal, begin to make some sense.

[Confused3124]

Thanks for the support, never thought I would be researching personality disorders but googling her unexplainable behavior got me here.

It all makes sense now after reading some of the things I've read, just wish I had done this research a lot sooner, either way I'm free of a toxic relationship and things will only get better from here.