Custody Eval

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My DH has been trying to resolve the custody of my SD12 for 4.5 years (him and uBPDbm were never married). Nearly 3 years ago we had a CE ordered. The psychologist doing the CE has dropped the ball and we have been waiting FOREVER for a report. In the meantime we are stuck with the temporary CO (at least it's 50/50 so it's not too bad).

Yesterday we got a call from our L. The CE claims she is done. She is going to send an email to us and uBPDbm asking if the recent birth of our (DH's and my) 2nd baby has had any significant impact. The L says to just tell the CE "no changes" so we don't start another round of investigations. uBPDbm will have a date to respond by and if she doesn't respond then the CE is going to go ahead and release the report anyway.

You guys... .we might actually get this report soon.

Now DH and I are stressing about how are we going to pay to bring this to closure? We have spent THOUSANDS on just waiting for the CE.   

[Thunderstruck]

My DH has been trying to resolve the custody of my SD12 for 4.5 years (him and uBPDbm were never married). Nearly 3 years ago we had a CE ordered. The psychologist doing the CE has dropped the ball and we have been waiting FOREVER for a report. In the meantime we are stuck with the temporary CO (at least it's 50/50 so it's not too bad).

Yesterday we got a call from our L. The CE claims she is done. She is going to send an email to us and uBPDbm asking if the recent birth of our (DH's and my) 2nd baby has had any significant impact. The L says to just tell the CE "no changes" so we don't start another round of investigations. uBPDbm will have a date to respond by and if she doesn't respond then the CE is going to go ahead and release the report anyway.

You guys... .we might actually get this report soon.

Now DH and I are stressing about how are we going to pay to bring this to closure? We have spent THOUSANDS on just waiting for the CE.   

[Panda39]

Finally!

Hopefully real light at the end of the tunnel.

We have all been waiting with you   

Now DH and I are stressing about how are we going to pay to bring this to closure? We have spent THOUSANDS on just waiting for the CE.   

This is where my friends tell me to get "Bob" off the wheel... .Bob is the ruminating/stressing/worrier hamster running on the wheel in my head! 

Take one thing at a time, you need the report first to know what your next move will be.

Hang in there,
Panda39

[livednlearned]

Wow!

At first I thought you meant the CE was done, as in fed up and finished so that you would have waited ALL THIS TIME only to have her roll on out without giving you the report. I was ready to riot. 

Also, I like your choice of words. "The CE claims she is done."

Too bad she has to email BPD mom to ask her if the recent birth of your new baby has had an impact. I can imagine her thinking, "Now that you ask, yes, that baby made me drop my groceries last Tuesday... ." 

[GaGrl]

And for God's sake don't bring up the funeral situation -- that could mean the CE takes another 18 months!

[Thunderstruck]

Ok, we'll worry about the next steps when we come to them. Go away Bob! The L has said that if the report is strongly in our favor then he'd do an emergency motion to change custody. We could afford that over a whole drawn out trial.

LnL, I know... .But I feel more like uBPDbm will just refuse to respond at all to try to draw it out longer. The CE (or maybe our L) must have anticipated that because they are giving her a date to reply by. If she doesn't respond then the report will be released anyway.

And for God's sake don't bring up the funeral situation -- that could mean the CE takes another 18 months!

Sigh... .yes... .we just sent an email to the L asking if we should bring this up to the CE. Do we need more evidence of uBPDbm being uncooperative, creating conflict, violating court orders? Will it change the report or the CEs recommendation? Hopefully the CE gets it by now.

[Thunderstruck]

We received the email from the CE today. It asks DH and uBPDbm to send any final information prior to release of the report. The CE also asked for a final copy of all of the recent communication. uBPDbm sent an email shortly after trying to sound responsible/reasonable/pleasant (but with very apparent digs at both DH and myself. ha.).

There was no "reply by xxx date and if I don't get a response I'll release the report as is" clause in the email. So DH and I have a feeling this will drag out even more.

uBPDbm pulled SD out of school early on one of our visitation days last week and is threatening to withhold visitation for this weekend as well. What I would like to see happen is a contempt of court with a change of custody, using the CE as a witness. It would make it soo much easier and cheaper to change custody up front instead of having to go through the expense of mediation and a trial.

[GaGrl]

Can you send the CE the minimal comment indication requested with a note that nothing will substantially change at this point, so you don't want to delay the report any further?

This CE is a piece of work.

[Thunderstruck]

Can you send the CE the minimal comment indication requested with a note that nothing will substantially change at this point, so you don't want to delay the report any further?

This CE is a piece of work.

Yes, DH is working on putting together all of the Our Family Wizard messages and putting them into a zipped pdf file for the CE (that's what she requested). Then he will say something like no changes on our end, we're still experiencing the same conflicts especially around important family events and holidays.

[livednlearned]

Maybe... ."We continue to experience the same pattern of conflicts and are eager to move forward with a custody recommendation."

My gah. It must be so hard to wait on this and not be able to stomp a foot or two.