Trapped into being a father

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So hoping to get peoples thought about this. I found out a month ago that my EX who I suspect is a waif BPD is having a baby. The baby is not mine! I knew she was keeping track of her cycles on a calendar, though she told me this was an ops. I don’t believe her when she says that, because who tracks when they ovulate, and is not planning to get pregnant. I’m sure she told him it was an ops. Why this is bothering me more now than when I first found was this. Back in December 2014 a year after started seeing each other. I got a Text from the ER telling me she had a miscarriage. I did not know she was pregnant, when I ask how this happened she said she stopped taking the pill for a bit in order to get her period sooner so she would not have it when we were away the next month. At the time I did not think too much of this, but now after finding she is going to have a baby and I think she planned this, I can’t help but feel sad that I’m not the father, and some relief that I’m not. I’m really all mixed up over it. I’ve spent the last year since she dumped and replaced me wishing somehow that I could have her back.
I’m wondering if anyone has advise, or any stories of their own experience with this kind of situation.

[redriver]

So hoping to get peoples thought about this. I found out a month ago that my EX who I suspect is a waif BPD is having a baby. The baby is not mine! I knew she was keeping track of her cycles on a calendar, though she told me this was an ops. I don’t believe her when she says that, because who tracks when they ovulate, and is not planning to get pregnant. I’m sure she told him it was an ops. Why this is bothering me more now than when I first found was this. Back in December 2014 a year after started seeing each other. I got a Text from the ER telling me she had a miscarriage. I did not know she was pregnant, when I ask how this happened she said she stopped taking the pill for a bit in order to get her period sooner so she would not have it when we were away the next month. At the time I did not think too much of this, but now after finding she is going to have a baby and I think she planned this, I can’t help but feel sad that I’m not the father, and some relief that I’m not. I’m really all mixed up over it. I’ve spent the last year since she dumped and replaced me wishing somehow that I could have her back.
I’m wondering if anyone has advise, or any stories of their own experience with this kind of situation.

[jonmnemonic]

I'm thankful that I don't have any more attachments to my exBPD than I already do and you should be thankful that you didn't father a child with yours.  I would spend more time thinking on the future and finding a good wife that you can have children with and be a good husband and father to.

[g2outfitter]

DO NOT REGRET NOT BEING THE FATHER... .my exBPD had a child from her second marriage.  During their divorce her ex husband fought for, and was granted custody.  He constantly had to deal with her rage towards him for getting custody for their daughter.  Every little thing was a battle!  The courts were right in giving him custody but she will take it out on him for the rest of his life.  I am lucky to leave her in my past but that poor man will have to deal with it for the next 10 years (until the daughter becomes an adult).  Once I started dating my exBPD I heard many stories about how awful her exHB was but when I eventually met him, he seemed like a nice guy.

I understand why you feel the way you do but I assure you, you are much better off not being the father... .much better off.  At some point you can and will move on but that is so much harder to do if you are constantly in contact with your exBPD because of a child.

[Aesir]

My ex seemed to only want a baby and not necessarily me or the relationship. I would tell her that I had limits and expectations in that area which included her getting a job but that wasn't important to her. I was supposed to be (along with her mother) the financial backers of her pregnancy and the baby. She said she wouldn't have put me on child support but only a moron would believe that.

Both you and I dodged a artillery shell in not having a kid with our BPD ex.

[redriver]

its funny that you talk about the financial end of thigs. Without giving too much away I can say that I am in personal finance and took care of her account. I hve been told by her that she has 3 CC all at max, a car loan, plus a consolodation loan. The job she has now is a term position and is about to expire. They have been together for a total of 8 months.

So this new guy will have to make her loan payments cover her credit cards, and her phone bill, pay his stuff and suport a child. What I wonder about him is this, is he that much of a sucker, to think any of this is just nomal, and what would his family be thinking.

There are times I think WOW am I lucky. But lots of other times I don't feel it.