Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
March 17, 2025, 04:18:08 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back? (Read 1105 times)
stamusic
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 53
When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
on:
April 08, 2017, 01:31:24 PM »
Hey folks.
I have made a post previously a few weeks ago on my full story, but I guess here's my current situation.
My girlfriend and I have been broken up for just over 2 weeks now, and in this time she has been texting me off and on. Sometimes seems angry and blunt and sometimes she seems in a good mood and genuinely wants to talk about random things like a new tv show she's loving ect.
I have given her complete space not texting her first and when she reaches out to me I use good validation and the 'when they push you away, you push away a little further, and when they pull you in you play it cool and pull back a little'. So far, it seems I have been doing a good job. And I notice she goes online on our whatsapp convo a hundred times a day to see when the last time I was on the conversation... It's a thing we both used to do when bickering, to see when we're thinking of eachother ect (lame I know). So I guess that's a sign I'm still on her mind, which seems good news. I have avoided doing it now to pull back from her a little more. In hopes she'll contact me and want to work things out of course.
She asked me for her stuff that she had left at my place the day after she broke it off with me and since then nothing has happened about it. I am thinking if it would be a decent idea for me to ask if I could go to her place to drop off her stuff, then when I'm there try to talk to her face to face. She has never shown a mean side of herself to me in person, only through text. And I feel if I'm there she'll be different in a good way and we could actually communicate properly with one another.
So what do you think, would this be a good idea? Or is it still too risky for her to push me away further?
Advice on what to do if I do or don't go ahead with this would be much appreciated!
Big thanks.
S
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Broken Crayons
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #1 on:
April 09, 2017, 03:24:47 PM »
I'm in the same boat - very afraid that getting my things will make it worse. I agreed with him that I should "move on" and he attempted suicide (don't mean to alarm you). I haven't spoken to him since (6 weeks now) and I'm not sure what getting my things will do.
Logged
cubicinch
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 148
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #2 on:
April 09, 2017, 03:27:35 PM »
Quote from: Broken Crayons on April 09, 2017, 03:24:47 PM
I'm in the same boat - very afraid that getting my things will make it worse. I agreed with him that I should "move on" and he attempted suicide (don't mean to alarm you). I haven't spoken to him since (6 weeks now) and I'm not sure what getting my things will do.
would it be best if you don't see him, send someone else to collect...
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Online
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12806
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #3 on:
April 10, 2017, 03:29:00 PM »
it seems like a bit of a mixed bag to me, to try to affect a reconciliation under the guise of bringing her stuff. a meet up could help, but i wouldnt mix the two.
Logged
and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
pipestove
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #4 on:
April 10, 2017, 05:12:25 PM »
I would just let her go. As much as it hurts to hear, it rartely if works the 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th or 7th time. I've been there with my BPD ex and never works, only gets harder and causes more pain. Im 6 months split and I think about her everyday. Wishing we could get back together, but then I realize all the crap she put me through, how hard I tried to make it work, only for the cycle to keep repeating itself. It sucks most BPD's are so fun and leave you feeling like they're the only one for you.
Logged
cubicinch
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 148
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #5 on:
April 11, 2017, 03:56:22 AM »
Quote from: pipestove on April 10, 2017, 05:12:25 PM
It sucks most BPD's are so fun and leave you feeling like they're the only one for you.
I find this is the painful part, very true.
Logged
KtotheK
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 89
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #6 on:
April 17, 2017, 06:16:52 AM »
Quote from: pipestove on April 10, 2017, 05:12:25 PM
It sucks most BPD's are so fun and leave you feeling like they're the only one for you.
It really seems that way. I did more with my ex than I did with anyone and it feels like I will never do so much again ... .I miss that as much as I miss her and I am envious in some respects of my replacement. I had the most amazing times when I wasn't being hurt and in the good days or between being recycled and being made up to. Totally sucked in by the false hope (as I now understand it) that at the time was brilliant
Logged
wheretostart0
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 14
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #7 on:
April 22, 2017, 02:14:00 AM »
Don't reach out. In a case of BPD or non I wouldn't. You probally won't listen to that advice but it's the best on the page. And it doesn't matter how long it's been or how long it's gonna be.
Work on yourself. It's what you have control over.
Logged
dumpsterdog
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 152
Re: When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
«
Reply #8 on:
December 14, 2020, 06:18:13 PM »
Two weeks is a a very short time...i remember being there...it has now been over three years for me and it sucks ...hang in there and follow the suggestions given here, as hard as it may seem . They will help. Prepare your self for a long road.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
When is it too early to reach out to a BPD ex you want back?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...