Just starting

[Book Worm]

I've been married for 5 years.  I noticed things early on but could not put my finger on what was wrong.  At first I believed my husband would start fights or attempt to trigger conflict.  It did not make sense since the many of the issues seemed small to me - i.e., he did not want me to use the clothes dryer, but would say it with a stern voice and posture.  If I would disagree then the he would escalate the issue.  I learned to pick and choose the battles, but was not always successful keeping a lid on the intensity for both of us.  Over time, I felt my patience dwindling  and would raise my voice to be heard (this did not work or help).  After seeking counseling for myself because I believed I was to blame for all our ills and fights, my counselor mentioned my husband seemed to have traits of borderline personality.

It has been along haul just wrapping my head over this idea.  I felt I was keeping information from him, and would address this with my counselor.  Finally, my husband and I went to a counselor recommended to me - after 1 session this new counselor and I talked and she noted "personality peculiarities" in my husband, and she wanted us to seek a counselor who specialized in personality disorders.  I did not tell my husband about this conversation because he was already irritated with her because she addressed something in that session which made him uncomfortable.

So here I am - still confused, and feeling hopeless so many times during my day.  I would like to stay in my marriage.  My husband is a wonderful human being, and I would like to see how I might work out my own issues which contribute to my uneasiness.

Thank you for this space.  I have not told anyone in my family or his.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome Book Worm. Coming to the realization that your significant other may have BPD is both a relief but also scary. On one hand you finally get to understand why they act the way they do, but on the other hand, it means there may mean they will never get better (although some do).

All of us on this board are choosing to stick with our pwBPD despite knowing how difficult that will be. We understand that it will take lots of hard work, that we will have very challenging and difficult times, but we can see the good in our pwBPD enough to know that the good usually outweighs the bad. We have a lot of lessons to learn new ways of communicating and taking care of yourself. That might be a good place to start.

Here is a link to one of our workshops on the Dos and Don'ts of a Relationship with someone with BPD

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0