the struggle

[Our abuse recovery guide]

To anyone out there,

My Mom has BPD and she is also a non functioning alcoholic.  I am 28 years old and about to get married this summer. I struggle with an immense amount of guilt because I am afraid to have my mom come to my wedding.  I fear that she is going to get drunk and cause a massive scene.  Does anyone else have any experience like this?

[kittykat681]

To anyone out there,

My Mom has BPD and she is also a non functioning alcoholic.  I am 28 years old and about to get married this summer. I struggle with an immense amount of guilt because I am afraid to have my mom come to my wedding.  I fear that she is going to get drunk and cause a massive scene.  Does anyone else have any experience like this?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome kittykat681:   
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!  I'm so sorry that you have to be worried about a disordered mother, during a time when most brides are in a situation to joyfully share the experience with their mom.

Is your father still in the picture and married to your mother?  Do you have any siblings?

Does your mom acknowledge that she has BPD?  Has she ever been treated for any mental illness or for her current on any past substance abuse problem?

Guilt is a common situation.  The article at this link will be helpful for you to read:  FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt)

There have been several threads from other brides with similar situations.  If you don't get feedback from others in your situation, try initiating a new thread with mention of an upcoming wedding. 

One piece of advice I've seen mentioned a few times is to designate someone to babysit mom during the event. (another relative or trusted friend)

[Fie]

Hello Kittykat681  


How wonderful you are getting married, congratulations !
 
I can relate to the feeling that everything is feeling overshadowed by the threat of your BPD mum possibly going to ruin things for you.

Have you heard about FOG ? (Fear - Obligation - Guilt)

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

Us children of BPD tend to feel more fear, obligation and guilt towards our BPD parent than average children would, simply because we were groomed to do so from a very young age.

You are actually allowed to choose the wedding you want. You are free (even if you don't feel that way) and you can even decide to not invite your mum.

I like NN also remember from other people's posts that sometimes the suggestion was made to have some friend who's aware of your mum's issues, look out for you during the wedding. This friend could redirect your mum if things would be turning awkward.

You could indeed open a new thread, clearly stating in the subject that you have a question about getting married. Or you could hit the 'search' button and search through 'wedding', 'getting married', etc. I just tried and it gives quite some results.

Please let us know if you find the info you need.

xx