he's convinced im cheating- im not the last two nights were very scary

[Gracie0521]

my BPD live in has stuck in his head that im cheating or looking to cheat...
which i have not and am not.He's all bent out of shape because I communicate with male co workers, and in my phone email spam found spam for those dumb adult dating sites everyone gets... There is no convincing him otherwise, and honestly I'm done trying. The last two nights have been horrible. Night one he raged slammed the bedroom door in my face repeatedly and broke the door... .screamed and tore through the house... .
night two he proceeded to rage and put my dogs in their kennel and pound it with their dog beds...
he threatened to kill them, i had to get between him and my dogs... .he pushed me around and got in my face screaming at the top of his lungs... .i have no where to go at the present moment... . what do I do?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Gracie0521]

I would like to add that both outbursts started as we were going to bed.
he had great evenings both times and then boom... it was on.
the trigger the first evening was a coworker union rep messaged me
the second night I asked him why he was sleeping upstairs rather than in our bed. I've travelled across the country for this man. I gave up my home friends and family, changed jobs... I really don't know what else I can do... .and not having my support system and dealing with this is just 1000% harder

[Inneedofhelp]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. As I have learned recently since I have started reading more about BPD the accusations are unfortunately common-I think it stems from their in rational fears of being alone and abandoned. Even to this day 5 years later, my husband (separated but in my life constantly because of our 2 kids) still refers to a text from a male coworker that I received about a football office pool. Even though he is the one who I found out has had multiple affairs (also common) he makes accusations all the time-I have not cheated on him. There is no reasoning with him, and whether I protest or say nothing it is the same outcome-anger and disbelief. In his rage he has threatened me-" if I ever find out... .". What I have found as support on this site with others who are dealing with these same issues is that we need to take care of ourselves. I have not been good about this-allowing way too many of his angry demands to happen and been the object of his abuse. I am hesitant to get others involved for fear of his rage and retaliation, but am starting to try and develop a plan for my safety and well being. As you stated, you have done so much for him, but we have to realize that is just what they expect and demand.

[Gracie0521]

thank you so much for the support. I am sorry you are also going through it. If im being gonest the fact that I can't leave is conyributing to the fights... my fight or flight reaponse kicks in quickly... .and since I cant flee I find I fight.
the good news is that he finally agrees to take his dbt seriously. He has agreed to joining the gym and to only working six days a week whoch will help alot. I decided to use brutal honesty. He told me he's afraid I will leave or "___ him over" . I told him well there is truth to that statement ( trying validating) and that if this continues to happen I will leave when I have the opportunity to... but it won't be because I was using you, or trying to " ___ you over" it will be because it's abusive and I deserve better. He actually took it very well. Further to that i then invited my dogs in the room that he had cowaring the night before and they just loved on him... .he then cried and said that it was horrible. I stated yep it was. today we'vebeen cleaning the house... Today i also tried a new technique... .when he started accusing me... .I said Im not even going to try to convince you. I know the truth... .you can believe whatever you want. I know I'm honest and loyal... .you can believe whatever you want. Further to that my trying to convince him just leads to his certainty he's right ... this also very surprisingly shut down the accusations... so either way im thankful for today. I will start creating a plan to keep me safe... including a savings account ready to take me away... that is a good idea. Thank you