Losing BPD parent, while being stuck with more BPD family members

[GreekGoddess23]

Hello,
Thank you all for support.
I lost my mother in 2007 due to an alcohol related death. She was diagnosed with BPD around 2005, however she refused to believe it! AND of course refused treatment. Our relationship was tumultuous; at times she was soo loving, fun, charming and funny! and other times she was the wicked witch... .As I became a teenager, my mother started to treat me as an extension of herself, rather than my own person. She projected all her fears, judgments and criticisms on me. This led me to feel like I wasnt even her daughter, but her property, her punching bag. I became severely depressed. I started having seizures in my sleep... .eventually at 16 I tried to end my life by overdosing. When I woke up in the hospital I was greeted by a very angry mother. During my mandatory 3-day mental vacation , I found a family therapist who tried to help my family. But my hope was diffused upon my return home, My mother locked me upstairs for a week, I was only allowed to go to school and  I was NOT allowed to join the family for dinner. I was shocked! How could a mother be so apathetic? I thought because of her troubling relationship with her mother she would have been understanding. I just needed a mom for once... .

My entire family suffers from mental illness in some way. I have lost several family to suicide and many relatives suffer from thoughts of suicide and depression/alcoholism. During family therapy as a teen, I found out a lot of information about my family's history. This kind of illness and abuse comes from a very long generational pattern, affecting way too many adults and children. My grandmother has BPD, however her therapists know how manipulative she is therefore just give her a lifetime of antidepressants to cope. Unfortunately my grandmother has endured the most abuse Ive ever heard of, from her parents. She has lost her son to suicide when he was 27, and my mother at 37. My heart feels for her pain, losing a child goes against the law of nature... .however that does NOT give her a reason to mistreat me and my brother. She has tried to blame us for my mothers death... .and many other hurtful things.

About 4 months after graduating high school, my mother passed away from alcohol poisoning. I was left with my other family, and to live with my grandmother, which of course turned out to be a very unhealthy environment to live in. She was suicidal and delusional... .ended up kicking me out because food kept "disappearing" from the fridge... .ugh. I was devastated. 10 years later I am still trying to balance relationships with my dysfunctional family. Please help me! How do I heal such a long pattern of abuse? How can I heal myself? And not suffer from the same ailments as my family?

[Turkish]

Hello GG23,

You've been through a lot,  but have had the strength to endure and reach out for support.  I'm glad that you've found us.   

The accusations of food theft sound ridiculous.  Wasn't grandma supposed to be providing fit you? Punishing kids using food is something that as a father I can't imagine doing.

What is your contact situation like with your family now?

A lot of us here are in limited contact or no contact. Boundaries can help and we have tools here to assist in that.  We'd be interested in hearing more of what's going on now and how best we can support you. 



Turkish

[HeidiLou]

My mother knew how much food was there down to the last bread crumb.  I could have nothing unless I had her permission. 

I went to a friends house and was anxious when she pulled out a box full of yummy biscuits and started rifling through them to see what was there.  I was stumped when she asked which I would like, as she was also offering from unopened packets - unthinkable freedom (!) that wouldn't happen in my house.

Anxious about biscuits - incredible.  Maybe I could call my autobiography that .  I couldn't even have a drink after lunch because she said it would fill me up and I wouldn't eat my dinner (often hours away).

I've found that it's the little things that stand out in my memory, death by paper cuts.