I'm not sure anyone is "making excuses" for BPD. Especially in your case, your ex was diagnosed and institutionalized. She was on the high end of the spectrum of what members deal with here.
I don't believe we're all codependent... I don't believe I'm codependent. I have read into it a lot and I don't fit most of it. While I know most BPD relationships are codependent, I don't believe all of them are, and just because they last a while doesn't mean the partner is codependent.
I think its great that you are reading up!
But what do you think is going on with you? Your ex wasn't hiding mental illness - she was/is really ill.
You were fed up with her the last time she was institutionalized and broke up with her in the hospital. Brutal, but none of us know was going on exactly so we can't (and won't judge).
I think the real questions to ask are:
1) Why did you go back/recycle?
2) Why did you try to sabotage her new relationship?
3) Why did you hope so much for a reunion or even think it possible after the sabotaging? This wouldn't work with anyone.
4) When that failed, why did you flip over to
"she's a monster".
Yes, I could have handled some situations better.
It's good that you can see that.
I might also suggest that you could handle this breakup a little more constructively than lashing out at "BPD" (in general) in most of your posts.
When we focus on "BPD population" in general, its usually to avoid facing the more difficult reality of our individual situation.
This (below) is an example:
I'm tired of making excuses for these people... .That's all that they do themselves, is make excuses for their behavior, and here we are making me more excuses for them... .
This is not why you hurt. This is not what is going on in your relationship. It's not whats happening here.
Drill down to YOUR reality. That's where the answer are.