Finally took the step

[AllNightLong]

Hi,
I Finally took the step to tell my BPDw that it's time for divorce, at first she took it quite good and calm since it was quite expected but then it all began. All the texting about how i can't leave her when we have two kids (unfortunelty very young and only s2 and s4months)... I have come up with all kind of solutions but i'm just an A*****e anyway... Anything from living together until she finds something with having them every second day and the day not with kids be able to do whatever we want, too live seperatly and all kind of different solutions.

But for the first time in our relationship i have been standing my ground letting her now that this is it! Enough! No more screaming, no more raging and no more f*****g violence. So she throw me out for a month to think about what i've done and i agreed. Cause then i can make her realize that no matter how much time we spend apart i will not go back to her.

So finally i can write on the Detach board instead of deciding and that feels great even that all her text and rabble about how i will loose my kids gives me a sense of guilt of course but this time i will not let her break me.

That's all for now, now time to find somewhere to go

ANL

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ANL, I admire your courage to end the abuse and respect your decision to part ways, which I know is extremely difficult and emotionally draining, particularly when kids are involved.  Taking a break by spending a month apart sounds like a positive thing to me.  Getting out of the day-to-day drama may help to clarify your thoughts on how to find the right path going forward.  Be prepared for some rough sledding ahead.  I don't want to sugarcoat the detaching process, which is extremely challenging with a pwBPD.  Be ready for the F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt), one or more of which she is likely to use in an effort to manipulate you.  Keep us posted on how you are doing.

LuckyJim

[AllNightLong]

Hey ANL, I admire your courage to end the abuse and respect your decision to part ways, which I know is extremely difficult and emotionally draining, particularly when kids are involved.  Taking a break by spending a month apart sounds like a positive thing to me.  Getting out of the day-to-day drama may help to clarify your thoughts on how to find the right path going forward.  Be prepared for some rough sledding ahead.  I don't want to sugarcoat the detaching process, which is extremely challenging with a pwBPD.  Be ready for the F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt), one or more of which she is likely to use in an effort to manipulate you.  Keep us posted on how you are doing.

LuckyJim

Hi LJ,

Thank you for the kind words. Yes i think this Will be a good start to do it but i should admit i don't think she Will leave me alone for long but we Will see... over the there days since i told her i have spent more time and talked to more friends than over the last 6 months...

But i'm ready for the FOG and all her other things! At least it feels like that now but i know it Will get intense! She already started on social media how much she hates me and how bad i am but i Will not respond and everyone that i care for now knows the truth.

ANL

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ANL, You seem quite centered, despite all the stress you are under.  Great to hear that you are reaching out to friends, who can help you keep things in perspective.  Think you are wise to stay above the fray and decline to respond to any taunting on social media.  As you note, the people you care about know the truth.  Yes, it is likely to get intense, so fasten your seat belt!  LJ

[AllNightLong]

Hey ANL, You seem quite centered, despite all the stress you are under.  Great to hear that you are reaching out to friends, who can help you keep things in perspective.  Think you are wise to stay above the fray and decline to respond to any taunting on social media.  As you note, the people you care about know the truth.  Yes, it is likely to get intense, so fasten your seat belt!  LJ

Hi LJ,
Yes i do what i can at least, she started another text storm with how much she loves me and want us to be a family and so on. I would lie if i said that i didn't feel doubts but i'm trying to stay strong and remember why i took the decision in the first place. And now when a lot of people knows how dysfunctional our life together really been i don't really see any reason to go back. I guess this is the first of many FOG storms since she is using the kids all the time.

ANL

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ANL, Right, the FOG was bound to roll in.  Using the kids to manipulate your feelings is her employing Obligation and Guilt, needless to say.  Suggest you try to figure out the right path for you.  LJ