Girlfriend suffers from BPD.

[Don8219]

Hi just wanted to get advice and also support so I can be a better support system for my girlfriend. She has suffered from BPD for a long time but lately she has had to take on a lot more responsibility and it has caused her BPD to become much worse to the point of hospitalization. I know I can't completely help her but I want to find ways of helping not harming. She has been self medicating with alcohol which is something new that she hasn't done before. If I mention it at all she gets angry but it seems her emotions get worse with the alcohol use. Any suggestions are much appreciated. Thanks!

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[JoeBPD81]

Hey, wellcome to the family,

your position is not easy, and it's great that look for ways to make her (and yours) life better. We are a lot here that are, or have been, in your shoes, you are not alone. We will listen to your concerns, and give you our best, and you can have a look at the first steps section, because every little piece of learning opens a window that lights what was a dead end before.

I don't know much about your story. People with BPD have emotions that are so strong that hurt in an overwhelming way, they will do "whatever to end the pain". Alcohol is one of the "exists". You can help by making sure she knows you understand her pain is overwhelming, and you understand she needs to do something about it. Also that she has this new situation that is demanding and stressing. Validate her experience and her feelings... .While you don't validate the solution (alcohol) but you don't shame her about it either. When her feelings are a bit down, you can tell her you are worried that alcohol might make things worse for her while not improving her situation in any way, it shoothes the feelings, but does nothing to change what caused them. And also, after validating, and seeing it helped her with her feelings, you can ask if she wants you to help her in any way.

The situation makes her nervous, but then she is ashamed that she can't handle it (and assumes anyone else can), so shame makes it way worse. Then she is ashamed that she can't control her feelings, and so on. If she hears someone tell her sincerely it is normal and understandable that she feels so distressed, it brings the shame down.

Good luck and keep it up!

[Don8219]

Thank you so much. It's good to have other people to talk to so that I can better understand the do's and don't's. She's had it really rough in her life so I definitely don't want to be a huge stressor even though I know she can't control it.