Now 10 Days into detaching from my pwBPD

[Whatsnxt17]

Today marks 10 Days that I finally said enough.  She left me over two years ago, and the divorce has been going on for a year.  She is divorcing me, which I have accepted.  Two weeks before the settlement agreement arrived, we were in marriage counseling.  She was even ready to move back in just a few weeks ago.

Sometimes it feels like she keeps pushing me away just to see if I will keep chasing after her.

It's easier now to accept all the bizarre stuff that she said and did; now that I understand that the BPD mind is so jumbled. Reason and logic are overridden by intense feelings of anger, fear, resentment, shame and self-loathing. 

People cannot understand when I tell them that she blames me for not rescuing her from her affairs.  She told me I was too easy to cheat on.  "Why did you not come get me and take back what was yours!" She runs away from me but then screams at me for not being her prince charming. 

It is beyond exhausting.  My heart can only take so much.  Reading about the shared experiences here has been a huge help for me to start my recovery from the emotional and verbal abuse.

[Mutt]

Hi Whatsnxt17,

People cannot understand when I tell them that she blames me for not rescuing her from her affairs.  She told me I was too easy to cheat on.  "Why did you not come get me and take back what was yours!" She runs away from me but then screams at me for not being her prince charming.

What I get from this is that it shows how she has poor boundaries, lacks judgment and wants someone to clean up her messes. Good for you for not fixing her problem for her, it sounds more like she wants a caretaker than a prince charming, that's just my two cents.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Whatsnxt17,



You have been through a lot. And you sound very together, considering it's only been 10 days since your decision. I'm sorry that things were salvageable—the back and forth can be so painful. 

It is beyond exhausting.  My heart can only take so much.  Reading about the shared experiences here has been a huge help for me to start my recovery from the emotional and verbal abuse.

Yes, it IS exhausting. And my heart couldn't take it anymore, either. Do keep posting and reading. Knowing that you are not alone in this and that other people care and understand what you are experiencing is worth its weight in gold.

What kind of communication are you having with your partner now?

heartandwhole