Still Amazed

[AustenJ]

I have read and studied BPD for over 6 months... .on a rational level I understand it. I get it. I have experienced it. I am aware of the emotional enmeshment. Been there, done that. Still struggling with it.

I get a text from the diagnosed xBPDgf who is 4 months into my replacement and gleefully tells me,"this guy is different. He is definitely the one. He will be my last boyfriend. He is the first man I have ever been totally honest with. He is the most loving and patient man I have ever been with. I tell him everything. We have no secrets. And he's taking me to Italy this summer!"

We haven't texted for over 5 months, and rarely then. But my mother was just diagnosed with cancer, so I'm sure she was just trying to cheer me up with her good news... .ugh

[Replacement99]

Give it another few months, he will be devalued and painted black and either you will be recycled or a new replacement found.  Mine told me I was the most handsome guy she very had been with,  I accepted her for who she was, told me she "really" loved me 3-4 times a day for 6 months and was the only person she wanted to marry and have a baby with.  Now she thinks I am ___ on her shoe . It's so ridiculous that it's actually funny.

[Curiously1]

Sorry to hear about your mother.
How did you feel when she reached out?
Sounds like pwBPD like to use similar descriptions like 'the one'
My exBPDgf said similar. Her words were ... .'" still have happy memories of us but I think this is it, I am happy now and think this is the one."

[roberto516]

She said the same about me. "I was different". "I was the best". Well her family and friends saw it. They knew I was a good catch who was always there for her. Behind closed doors they didn't see the selfishness and lack of empathy/emotional abuse. It fascinates me too. What's funny is I had done this before maybe 5 years ago. Then found this recent one. If I had known before I probably could have avoided this. But now I do know. It sucks I have to go through it twice with two different women. But I won't let this knowledge go to waste.

My real curiosity is that she said she needs to work on herself, isn't well, and can't be in a relationship. I won't be surprised if someone from works mentions to me sometime this summer ":)id you see she has a new boyfriend?" I guess it will be the test to see if she has enough insight and motivation to work on herself instead of finding a replacement void filler.

[g2outfitter]

I assure you Austen... .if things were so splendid with the replacement, she wouldn't tell you about it (then again, we are talking about BPD so nothing makes sense).  Think about it, if you had found someone new and were ecstatic to be with them, would you really take the time and effort to make sure your ex knew about it.  Heck no... .your ex would be the last thing on your mind.

She's just fishing to make sure you are still around when this latest fling crashes and burns.

[g2outfitter]

My prayers to you and your mother.

[Icefog]

 Sorry about the diagnosis of your mom. I hope prognosis is good. I'm with G2. Why would she contact you particularly when she is in a new relationship and in the honeymoon stage. It doesn't add up. When you are in a new relationship and one she is portraying as the " best ever" why would she contact you? It's either because she needs something, wants to be cruel to you and let you know that she's happier with a new guy, or wants to keep you connected somehow as a backup plan. If she was truly happy and healthy she wouldn't be reconnecting. I don't think for a second she was trying to cheer you up. That's a distortion... .and if she believes that telling you about her new relationship would cheer you up she's got a skewed sense of what makes people feel better. You don't cheer and ex partner up by telling them about how great your new relationship is... .in my opinion it's done to devalue the relationship you had with her,

[AustenJ]

Thanks, all!

I had her phone number blocked months ago, but she must have been calling from a girlfriend's phone or even my replacement's... .I don't care, I didn't respond even tho it crossed my mind to send an FU, but I know she was just trying to get a rise out of me... .but I would not be surprised if she truly thought I would care that she had found "the one" and that I would be happy for her... .she's that crazy. And I have the pleasure of working with her every day... .she tried to catch my eye in the hallway today with a sad face, and I know she wanted to hug me so bad... .it took every fiber of my being not to break into a sprint away from her crazy.

[UnforgivenII]

I assure you Austen... .if things were so splendid with the replacement, she wouldn't tell you about it (then again, we are talking about BPD so nothing makes sense).  Think about it, if you had found someone new and were ecstatic to be with them, would you really take the time and effort to make sure your ex knew about it.  Heck no... .your ex would be the last thing on your mind.

She's just fishing to make sure you are still around when this latest fling crashes and burns.

Exactly.

[Claycrusher]

She's just fishing to make sure you are still around when this latest fling crashes and burns.

That's why my ex-wife did the same sort of thing.  Note the past tense... . 

It was, in the main, a fishing expedition, as you say.  I think part of it, though, was validation, at least in my ex-wife's case.  It's a variation of  the "See!  It isn't really my fault, but yours" theme, one which the novelty wore off of a long time ago.