Is this the new normality after all?

[happendtome]

I recently happend to read that Mariah Carey broke up. So i thought, wow, didnt she just found her "soulmate". I opened the news and found out that yes, she broke up. Ok, but that was already "the new guy" she broke up. I dont remember the names of the guys as i rarely read the yellow press, but still... .thats like 2 relationships in maybe 2 years or less. There was another news next to it that Elon Musk is dating Amber Heard (who ever she is), who just broke up from Johnny Depp (who probably broke up from someone before Amber) and they (Elon and Amber) are planning to get married. Now, im not Nostradamus, but i will say this that this marriage will fail.

So again, here we are, trying to detach when other people are using people like tools. Are we just some sort of last dinosaurs here after all? Crying and trying when others just move on and say to everyone "i love you, youre the one, next one, please".
And its not only famous people. Even i know people who always update their facebook profile - in the relationship, engaged, married, open relationship, separated, divorced, single... .and then it starts all over again.

Its crazy, i dont want to run this race

[heartandwhole]

Its crazy, i dont want to run this race

I hear you, happendtome. I have definitely worked overtime and stayed in relationships because I wanted to be 100% sure that I had done everything I could to make it work. The problem is that sometimes I stayed too long in relationships that were clearly not working and/or weren't right for me. In those cases, I wish I had gotten out sooner. I suppose it goes to our values around relationships.

Do you think so?

heartandwhole

[happendtome]

I see the problem is quite often being this that we get too easily into new relationships. Some are looking excitement and some are letting too quick their guards down.
But if we would think logically then we dont really need to, for example, see his/her kids after we have dated 2 weeks or month/two. To be honest, it should be at least 6 months before we meet our partners kids/family. That way we would have time to learn to know each other and see our compatility first, before we overwhelm our social networks.

However our pick is rush, we are too much afraid that we lose time. Our pressure time So instead of study, we start to pick lottery tickets. We are afraid that we are missing out, losing our partner, if we dont act fast. i could say that it tells that we dont know our worth and we have low self esteem. Lots of people are afraid that they cant make it on their own and it puts tremendous pressure. In reality, however, we can make it on our own, we just need to start to believe to ourselves.

[Bluerskies]

Being the only person I know who is not in a relationship right now and has no plans of seeking one out, I do feel like a dinosaur. 

[TsunamiWave]

Yes, its absolutely crazy.

But i sleep very well knowing that im not a piece of #!#$%"


While we get sad and have to move on, these people go from rollercoster to rollercoster, their ride of pain never ends. Their happiness is placed in someone elses hands, ours isnt. We dont depend on others to be happy, they do. We are in charge, they are not.

[happendtome]

It didnt take long for Amber and Elon

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4764424/Amber-Heard-splits-PayPal-billionaire-Elon-Musk.html

Isnt that funny?

[enlighten me]

The problem here is that a lot of celebrities/ musicians have issues whether a full blown PD or strong traits that can become issues when money and fame are involved. They are not the norm but due to their public status theyre the ones that become role models.

If you look at the A list celebrities then there isn't one that is normal and that is what makes them special in that field.

Look at Marilyn Monroe, Steve Mcqueen, Heath ledger, Kurt Cobain, Robbin Williams, Angelina Jollie, Chester Bennington, Megan Fox, Steve Jobs the list can go on and on. All of the are either suspected of or diagnosed with a mental health issue.

[zeus123]

It's not only celebrities, but almost the entire population. There's no such thing as love.

[roberto516]

I think our culture is all about "me first" with social media, advertisements, etc. It's hard not to get what we want when we want it. Society has done a pretty splendid job at that.

Part 2 I think is the bombardment of "real love". Movies, books, music, etc. Even in the love movies the couples have a big fight/breakup and then get back together and we are left to assume that they are perfect now. What those movies don't show is the argument 2 months later about who left the toaster plugged in all night.

I went into my last relationship fully expecting arguments, disagreements, and rough times. But I knew that honest communication and compromise would make us stronger. She didn't hold those views. She couldn't communicate. Any fight or disagreement was the end of the world. "We always fight" if we had a disagreement and then "I feel everything is so much better" if we went an extended period of time without a disagreement.

I think she has the warped view... .well narcissism as well so I guess that's the warped view isn't it? You love me unconditionally no matter what and don't get mad at me or argue with me or say that I am in some way not being a loving partner.

I work with couples a lot and one of them shared with me on Friday it was their 30 year wedding anniversary. Jokingly but also with seriousness I told them that I think "30 years is going to be the new 50 year anniversary"

[roberto516]

I actually just read this which is all too relevant to this discussion.

"I used to think that way, too. But now I know I was exactly wrong. Self-love is not, in fact, the greatest love of all. And the road to self-actualization isn’t through perfection of the independent self, but through imperfect, messy, long-term relationships. Everybody needs someone else to nurture, and someone to stand up for them, and someone to plan the future with, and someone with whom they share a past. You won’t always get what you want, and you won’t always come first. But is that so awful? The wonderful and rewarding parts will probably outweigh the hard and awful parts. You will be astonished by the person you become. And you wouldn’t exchange the richness of your married life for anything."

I have always agreed by this idea. Carl Whitaker, a family systems theory couples and family therapist, believed that fixing "oneself" in individual therapy did nothing to prepare someone for the day to day interactions with the actual here-and-now relivings of past relationships.

But I guess the problem is that both partners have to expect the messy times and both want to learn about one another to grow better through it. And both partners have to love one another and not be selfish, abusive, etc. etc.  I don't think our culture has sustained that message. Relationships should be easy according to our culture. And if there is an argument it should be settled with an apology and then never ending happiness.