The dreams are back

[Idsrvt2]

I have really set myself back to square one. I was doing OK until I checked his social media. As I posted yesterday.  Today I woke up from a dream of him and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.
The reality is he has no remorse for what he has done.  He is preparing himself to renter the world again and get off the game 2nd life just like I texted him that he promised to do for me and didn't. There is no posts asking how to get thru his depression nothing about getting over me.
Nope he is over me and slapped me with a protection order to make this ten times worse.   
I'm numb and back to crying and not eating
And now the dreams are back.  I'm never going to heal from this.
Why couldn't he have just said let's take a break... So he could get therapy.
Now he will be back into the world without me having a great time.
There are no posts about how lost he allegedly felt  I feel like so much of it is a lie.   I hate him so much... .And just want to expose him for who. He is. 

[happendtome]

Dont cry. Believe me, there is a light. There are lots of people who would love you, there are 7 billion people, and you, you just picked the wrong one. This time. But you have more choices ahead.

[earlyL]

Hi Idrsvt2,

I can really see why you are feeling this way, but I also really think you are not back to square one, all the work you have done will still be there, but right now you are going through pain because of the new information. I think it is natural and totally makes you human to be feeling this way right now. I find the vivid dreams also really hard and mentioned them to my T this week, she said to me she was not surprised I was having them and I had been through a lot, and that really helped. I felt I should be past that stage, but I think it is normal for us both, don't be too hard on yourself.

I doubt very much he is having a great time, in that very moment he posted he may have been, but I doubt it is long lived, please try and remember that. It is so hard to think like that I know though, especially in the midst of this turmoil, but the chances of him living happily ever after from now on is pretty slim.

[Idsrvt2]

[
Thank you, I will be two months out on May 3rd ... .
You are right in that moment on his profile probably after he saw my post on mine as he posted three days after my update ... .he posted something that I always wanted.
He sees my house daily, my car daily because he is also my mail man... .
I'm ok with that now,,,I no longer have mail trucks trigger me, I'm numb to that aspect,,I had a great counciling session last week and see her in three days again ... .she is great, I cry there , I vent there
She says he was abusive... .but I haven't told her about the transgender aspect .l,I mean how can you even describe how you were attracted to one side of someone.
I guess I had hoped we could be friends... .but he got that protection order ... it would have been easier to end on peaceful terms especially he know my health isn't good, I have many chronic health issues and I may have to move ... ,
He also had such an outside influence from his sister and I firmly believe they told him to do this.
I see him in July in court ... .some days I picture it as me presenting new evidence so he won't get his guns back and others I see it as me being civil.   By now his therapist has diagnosed him.
I've been avoiding being outside when he is delivering but this week I am not
There is just so much to get over with these people it's just so beyond difficult... .I had a deep bond with him, like no other ... .but there were times he was cold and just flat as he called it.   
It s hard to get closure when I know I see him in July

quote author=earlyL link=topic=309291.msg12865949#msg12865949 date=1493566752]
Hi Idrsvt2,

I can really see why you are feeling this way, but I also really think you are not back to square one, all the work you have done will still be there, but right now you are going through pain because of the new information. I think it is natural and totally makes you human to be feeling this way right now. I find the vivid dreams also really hard and mentioned them to my T this week, she said to me she was not surprised I was having them and I had been through a lot, and that really helped. I felt I should be past that stage, but I think it is normal for us both, don't be too hard on yourself.

I doubt very much he is having a great time, in that very moment he posted he may have been, but I doubt it is long lived, please try and remember that. It is so hard to think like that I know though, especially in the midst of this turmoil, but the chances of him living happily ever after from now on is pretty slim.
[/quote]