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Author Topic: My dd seems atypical in that she only hurts herself.  (Read 423 times)
7babies

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« on: May 08, 2017, 05:42:42 PM »

My dd seems atypical in that she only hurts herself. Our relationship and her friends are ok. She just want badly to hurt herself almost every night. How she will do when she leaves our house I don't know. I validate she truly feels bad, which helps but usually she then disassociates and there is no talking to her. She isn't there at that point. She is supposed to fibally see a psychiatrist on June 19th. Counseling with a new counselor starts Thursday. The last one only made her worse do... .I'm feeling pretty hopeless. If I give the problem over to her dying is her solution. Sorry to he a downer. I will go over all these posts again.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Lollypop
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« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2017, 01:04:08 AM »

Hi there 7babies

I was wondering about you yesterday. I'm sorry to hear that things are still so tough for you.

You've said there's a pattern of suicidal behaviour every single night at the same time. That you just can't break out that cycle, I know there were a few suggestions, have you managed to get to try any of them?

Have you seen any improvement since the meds? 

How does the episode end, is it you that calms her or does she decide to sleep?

LP
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     I did my best. He told me I wasn’t good enough. White
7babies

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« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2017, 06:48:50 AM »

Lollipop,
Thanks for thinking of me. She has tried the distraction on her own. She draws, watches videos, bakes but at some point you have to lie down and sleep. Mostly I stay with her as she dissasociates ( sing song voice, repetitive phrases, anger, then guilt ). She often slaps herself and I try to gently stop that. I end up laying down with her in bed until she sleeps. The meds (Invega) maybe made her less angry but they are giving her galactorrhea so by phone doc is tapering her off. She seems more agitated. She is also currently experiencing irritable bowel issues which don't help. Combine all that with high school graduation and argh! She definitely worsens with stress. This morning she kept asking why she has to go to school but if she stays home she feels guilty about that. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. It is affecting my other kids and husband. I just want to crawl in bed.
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Mamadukes

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« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2017, 09:03:58 AM »

Oh boy 7babies. You are dealing with an incredibly tough load. Sounds like you are very knowledgeable and skillful. I hope you're finding ways to take care of yourself. Maybe you should indeed "crawl in bed" (for a few hours). I'm a big believer in "pampering" ourselves as much as we can. You know, the thing about putting the oxygen mask on ourselves first (because if we collapse we can't put the mask on our kid).

I wonder how old your other kids are, and how supportive and skillful your husband is.

Thanks for this Livednlearned:

... .the difference between saying, "I admire you" (we are equals) versus "I am proud of you." (you are beneath me) Is that from Family Connections do you happen to know?

There was something else about the word "but" because it tends to be invalidating to what came immediately before. To use "and" instead.
I have not seen that example, "admire" instead of "proud" -- very cool. Also the thing about "and" instead of "but" -- that's a skill from improv! I learned of this before my life with BPD, and it's surprisingly useful, in general, like "I hear what you're saying, but blah blah... ." vs "I hear what you're saying, and... ."

Another great resource I was reminded of last week: In preparation for the instensive Family Connections weekend (which I missed), we were asked to (re)watch the excellent video "Back from the Edge." There is always HOPE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=967Ckat7f98&t=10s

Thanks everybody. Stay in touch 7babies.


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7babies

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« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2017, 06:39:18 AM »

Thanks for the support everyone. I know we are all fighting these heart rending battles. Her counseling session got cancelled again yesterday. That was the second one in a row. I was so disappointed.  The first time the counselor was sick and this time the center decided to do a training. I really feel I need to tell someone the level of her dissociating. It is a nightly thing now. It scares ger and I. She wants help but here in the rural midwest it seems impossible to find. -sigh-. I have taken to grabbing a nap when I can. That feels lazy but its a way to care for myself. Thank yu again for the support.
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wendydarling
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« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2017, 09:55:07 AM »

Hi 7 babies

I'm so sorry you're going through such tough times with your DD and relate when you say you need to speak with someone ... .who might that be? Your daughter sounds similar to my 28DD in many ways, seeks help, quiet-self harm only, disassociates... .  It's deeply disappointing when appointments are cancelled, does your DD have support of a mental health crisis team someone to call 24/7, my DD found it helpful to talk to someone, she managed her way through avoiding hospitalisation before and shortly after treatment commenced. My DD is on the road to recovery and I think disassociation is under control. Next time I speak with her (she maybe out when I get home this evening) I'll ask her what she did/does when at its worst, if anything helped (how she managed the scariness as you say) and why it appears (to me) less than it was etc.

My DD shortly completes 12 months DBT, when you say it gets worse through treatment from my experience that is part of the process, it also gets better the road is not linear, there are bumps one step forwards, two back, two forward, one back ... .I've gradually watched my DD get better over the last year, she's made lots of personal changes, learned the DBT skills, about 4 med changes and educated herself about BPD. From my experience there are many, many, many factors - including me that are contributing towards her recovery. 

I'm glad you are able to grab a nap.  In addition have you tried lying on your back on the floor for 10 mins or so, it really helped me when my DD was in crisis and my body and mind were stuck - helps me be mindful and straightened out the old spine, neck with that sinking into the floor while floating - it provides me a bit of immediate relief.

WDx
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Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
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