Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
September 20, 2024, 07:57:51 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: To confide in friend what my marriage is like? (Read 463 times)
Happy outside
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 32
To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
on:
May 09, 2017, 07:35:18 PM »
I'm starting to feel like I might be ready to tell someone what my marriage is like. The friend has known my husband since they were kids and is like a sister to me. Is it wise to confide in her?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
ArleighBurke
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: was married - 15 yrs
Posts: 911
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #1 on:
May 09, 2017, 11:13:34 PM »
Confiding in SOMEONE is good, but... .
Are they really good friends? Is the friend going to be able to hear what you say about your husband (since THEY are very good friends)? If this has the potential to change her opinion of him, then you will either break their friendship, or she will deny it all and possibly break YOUR friendship.
I struggle with the same with my wife. I can't talk to any people that know HER well, because I know it'll change their relationship, and it feels disrespectful to me.
Logged
Your journey, your direction. Be the captain!
babyoctopus
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 75
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #2 on:
May 09, 2017, 11:35:18 PM »
If it was a really good friend of yours alone, I might say yes. It is good to talk to someone because it helps with the isolation we non partners feel.
However, tread very carefully. Over the years, I confided in my family (huge mistake) and a 2 good friends of mine. Thing is, they couldn't understand WHY I was staying. As the years went by, they either didn't want to hear more (which hurt) or would get mad at me for not leaving and hated him (which hurt too and caused more isolation for me).
Its best to confide after you leave, then you can confide what you had been going through. I recently did just that with mutual friends after we separated, and they all said how they saw it coming and saw negative changes in him over the years. They have been a great support system for me and my kids now.
Best of luck to you.
Logged
ortac77
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 318
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #3 on:
May 10, 2017, 02:55:08 AM »
I think we all need to confide in somebody but choose wisely!I think it is so important to be supported but I found friends both struggled to understand (BPD is pretty difficult to get ones head around) or took sides and that did not help.
I found my best support in the 'neutral zone' - Therapy and support groups.
Logged
PFCI
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married.
Posts: 100
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #4 on:
May 10, 2017, 03:03:25 AM »
I didn't tell anyone for a long time.
Now, I tell people I know, but aren't close friends or family, so they don't interact with my wife and cause problems.
Starting to tell people, and admit what my life is really like was a huge step forward.
But as mentioned before, be careful who you tell.
Logged
Happy outside
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 32
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #5 on:
May 10, 2017, 08:51:29 AM »
I'm an extremely private person and don't talk about my private life with anyone. So other than this board, no one I knows what I'm going through.
I have seen a therapist off and on, but I really haven't been honest with what's really happening at home. What I did share with a therapist was that I was responsible for my problems and that he had done nothing for me to talk negatively about.
I have a few close friends, but don't want to burden anyone with my problems. I'm not very close with my family, so telling them isn't really an option.
It's like I made this bed and now I have to sleep in it.
Logged
ortac77
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 318
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #6 on:
May 10, 2017, 10:33:12 AM »
It may help if you find a therapist who has knowledge of BPD? I found my last therapist very helpful because she had a good understanding of the illness.
I always think its shame there are no face to face support groups but I belong to Al-Anon which helps a lot, no judgement.
I too am a very private person but living with this illness was too much for me to deal with without help, support and an outlet for my feelings.
Best Wishes
Logged
TheMaskDropped
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 5
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #7 on:
May 14, 2017, 10:08:18 AM »
I think it's important to have someone to confide in, but choose carefully. If this person goes back to your spouse and repeats anything, even out of concern, your spouse may see it as a betrayal.
It also may change the way they view you or your spouse. I know that most of my partner's behaviors are only directed at myself and his family. I can speak with his family about it, and it was a huge relief to feel validation and know I wasn't imagining all the dysfunctions. But I also know if I were to speak about it to mutual friends, they would think I was making it up since they have never seen him as I have.
Support groups or a therapist may be the safest place for you to begin.
Logged
Doughboy
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 158
Re: To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
«
Reply #8 on:
May 14, 2017, 10:39:44 AM »
My experience was that her friends, that were her friends first, all felt I was the problem throughout the relationship. Her Mother was the same way. These people also said "that is how she is" and "she has been through terrible things" and "she is doing the best she can" when things were mentioned that seemed off by me.
The friends we shared since youth were all happy when we split the first time and upset when we got back together. They saw the damage she was causing me and knew it would happen again. Some of then knew about her lifelong relationship troubles that I was not aware of.
My friends first all saw her for what she was doing also because they saw the changes in me.
If this friend is like a Sister to you she may well see his issues and be willing to talk. Just be careful with the phrasing. It is a 50/50 but worth the risk in my opinion.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
To confide in friend what my marriage is like?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...