Unstable new mom

[Cherrygma]

She is 27, a new mom.  My granddaughter is 7 weeks old.  My son has epilepsy that is triggered by lack of sleep.  She keeps him up til 2 and 3am, he works 7 days a week.  She has a.male friend come over everyday to help her.  The place is a mess.  I. Worried about the baby and my son.  I live across the street but I never get to hold the baby.  Nothing is good enough for her.  She spends his paycheck before he gets it.  She is not in therapy, she will only see a doctor from another state.  She vapes and nurses the baby.  She has accused everyone of abusing her.  Her mother told people the reason she left town was because her daughter my daughter and law threatened to kill her.  My so loves her but he eats a.divorce.  she has a sick demented hold on him and the ex boyfriend.  Brainwashing?  When I did get to hold the baby she would say out loud Jane not her real name loves her aunt Minnie Jane lets her rent money she would chant this 78 times she would never say Jane lets her grandma I believe she's brainwashing the baby is that possible

[Kwamina]

Hi Cherrygma and welcome to bpdfamily

It becomes clear from your post that you are really struggling with this situation. How does your son view his wife's behavior? Does he also believe she suffers from mental health issues?

she has a sick demented hold on him and the ex boyfriend.  Brainwashing?  When I did get to hold the baby she would say out loud Jane not her real name loves her aunt Minnie Jane lets her rent money she would chant this 78 times she would never say Jane lets her grandma I believe she's brainwashing the baby is that possible

Do you perhaps feel like your son is letting himself be controlled by his wife out of fear, obligation and or guilt?

... .fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG" are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.  Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate themselves from the controlling behavior by another person and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.

You can read more about this subject here:
Fear, Obligation And Guilt: How We Allow Loved Ones To Control Us

Her own mother said that your DIL threatened to kill her, do you believe that story? Would you say your DIL exhibits violent tendencies?

Take care

The Board Parrot