I'm saying equal is a relationship skill deficits of similar magnitude (either acute or chronic).
I'll tell you what I have discovered since coming on here. Between us we made up the classic Borderline Personality Disordered individual. If we take the 5 components of dysregulation as a basis:
1. Emotion Dysregulation: Emotion dysregulation means not managing your emotions in context. It happens when you must reduce or escape your emotions by not managing them, without regard to consequences. Emotional dysregulation can be rage, anxiety, depression, and not feeling validated.
I had rage. She had anxiety and severe depression. I had depression but she never validated mine and hers had to be the thing we talked about. When I mentioned mine she would get irritated.
2. Interpersonal Dysregulation: Interpersonal dysregulation is indicated by chaotic relationships and fears of abandonment.
My love relationships have been chaotic here and there. Not always. I'd say hers were more dysfunctional because at one point she had no friends and said she didn't trust women. I think since being in the suicide prevention organisation and AA she has probably made friends, but I would be willing to bet money that most of them would be men.
The most hilarious part of this is that she told me I had fear of abandonment. She absolutely does but I never realised I did until she diagnosed me. Go figure.
3. Self Dysregulation: Self dysregulation means an unstable sense of self and a sense of emptiness.
Her self image was non existent. She told me that she was ugly and that she felt she didn't exist. She was beautiful and I never had a clue about what she was talking about regarding the not existing. Interestingly enough my dad said something similar a few weeks ago. He said he just wants to be invisible in life. I told him that was low self esteem talking. The ex always used to go on about feeling empty. Then I realised I've felt that my whole life. In my case I've always had an inner yearning. I told her about it and it was met with silence, as usual.
4. Behavioral Dysregulation: Behavioral dysregulation is characterized by self-injury and impulsive behaviors (such as substance abuse and promiscuity).
I think hers were more pronounced than mine but we both had these. We are both in AA, though compared to her drinking I was an amateur! I used to punch myself in the face when I got angry or frustrated and my wife stopped me doing it. She would always go off and do things and not talk to me. That always struck me as more impulsive than me, but I am impulsive too. Promiscuity is the big one. I obviously am but I never called it that, I called it looking for the right person. I have no idea whether she has been promiscuous and that eats me up. Everything I have ever read about female Borderlines says they are, but she swears she was 'exclusive' to me. This was of course undermined by the fact that she was sleeping with her husband... .so I think I know the answer. I can feel murderous over jealousy. I have never been violent towards people but I feel violence inside around betrayal.
5. Cognitive Dysregulation: Cognitive dysregulation is indicated by paranoia and dissociative responses that are made worse by stressful situations.
I used to get paranoid about where she was and possessive. She has the dissociative responses. We are both triggered by stress but again everything is more pronounced in her case as she has more severe everything.
