Spouse with BPD

[Wutnow32]

Just recently admitted my wife has BPD traits after being in denial for so long due to my previous relationship having similar traits. Feeling ridiculous that I not only took on another relationship with the same BP type, I went and married her. How much have I been in denial? A lot. Admitting this to myself has been huge, but now I'm more sad and lonely than ever because I know it's never going to change. I don't know where to start.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Wutnow32,  



I think that it takes significant courage to admit that we're following a certain pattern. Some people go through life in denial, I have a friend that's just a little older than I and i've known him since I was 15. He's an alcoholic since his late teens and he's in denial but that's for another conversation. Don't be hard on yourself.

You don't have to be lonely, you're not alone. You'll find many people here that you can relate to. This is a place where you share without being invalidated or judged, it helps to talk. There is hope, you took a huge step, read as much about the disorder as you can, follow the lessons and you'll see change, follow them at a pace that you're comfortable with. Change starts with you.

[Wutnow32]

Thanks for the response. I see there is a ton of info on this website so, knowledge is power! I will read on, and keep calm. Thanks again.

[Panshekay]

You are not alone, I can't tell you how many people do the same exact thing.  Many of these women are beautiful, charasmatic, out going, funny, love sex, and pretty much become everything you want and need... .that is until they hook you in.  Don't blame yourself, or beat yourself up over it.  Now you know, and if you decide you don't want that kind of life anymore you will be very aware.  You will have to change the type of women you are attracted to.  Remember, you are not alone. Are you thinking of ending your relationship or getting some help?