Missing birthday and Mother's day plans - frustrated

[Doughboy]

An element, that I am sure I am not the first to experience, that is causing a struggle today involves the kids of the exuBPDfiance.  Her oldest daughter turns 17 today.  Before we split up the daughters and myself had made elaborate plans for celebrating the Birthday and then Mother's day and now I have no idea what they are doing.

Because I am not allowed to contact the kids I can't even send a "Happy Birthday" text... .

They have all the cards, with money, and I also gave girls money to each buy their Mother a bday & Mother's day gift.  I gave all of this to the Ex and I have no idea if she even gave the cards to the girls... .

Losing the woman was bad... .losing the girls makes it worse as the 3 of us became very close.
 They reached out to me about more things then they did their own Father.  They requested I be at every event and came out to greet me when I arrived.  They continued to text and Snapchat me after Mom shut everything down and it took all I had to tell them to stop so that no one got in trouble.

The collateral damage from this issue, BPD, is far reaching.  I wish she understood how damaging her actions were/are to everyone.  Her kids did not speak to her for 6 days after she ended things and only replied to texts from Mom with one word if possible.  They were at their Fathers for the week when all of this happened. When she asked them what was up they told her that they were mad at her for ending things with me.  That they were mad she always caused so much chaos.

It's a real shame... .

[Turkish]

This must be so painful.  It sounds like you have a real connection. Can you reach out to turn privately? D17 will be 18 soon, an adult,  free to make her own choices.