Not to how to handle her contacting me...

[Mike76]

It has been a while since I have posted... .  so I will bring you up to speed

I married my now ex-wife with diagnosed BPD in 2008 (unknown at that time).  Figured out sure had BPD in 2010-2011.  We separated mid to late 2013,  moved out of the same house mid-2015, divorced was final January 2016.   We have no kids, interest in the other person family, and no-long share mutual friend.

She sent me letters for a while asking for odd items, potholders,  cheep dishes, hand towels,  all this that can be purchased cheaply at any store.   It has now been 18 months since I have initiated any contact with her. 

Her contacting as dwindled, but every few weeks she drop junk mail of with on my car at work. She has access to my old mailing at old address, I do not.  This stuff is very obviously solicitation mail.  Last week in addition to the mail, she dropped off the snack bags she did not want out variety pack.  Sent me a text and said... .  I put something under you car to not drive over it.   The time before that I get a text call me   (we have not spoken on the for in almost a year ),  I did call,   are you going to renew the Costco membership?   I said I was... .I did... .I do plan to do to cost and remember her.   

I would say we for the most part non-contact,   I  initiated  contact with her.   When she does, it is not technically stressful... .  But if I leave work for the day, and see junk mail, it really stress me out, somethings for a few days.    I do not need that life\car insurance quote, and you cut the coupons you wanted out of the mailer(with my name on it), before you dropped it off.

I have no reason talk to her... .Telling her to never contact me again when currently it is very little seems harsh, but I hate when she puts mail on my car.

Any ideas?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mike, It's up to you to set the boundaries that work for you.  Why not set up some other way for her to get mail or documents to you?  Maybe she can leave them somewhere for you to pick up?  What works for you?  LJ

[VeganButEatMyMea]

I think this is an easy one. You don't have anything binding you, you don't want the junk mail, you don't want contact... .tell her to stop! She doesn't matter anymore. Her feelings don't matter anymore. End this obvious torment to you, be nice, be mean, be harsh... .doesn't matter, just pull the cord!

I have to talk to my ex because of our son. I'd LOVE to be in your position and never have to communicate with her again. I'm as NC as I can be. If she calls and utters 1 thing that's not about our son I simply hang up. I don't care if it's mean, it's only about me now. As soon as she decided to cheat and say "I don't" she turned into a stranger that I owe nothing to and don't give a damn about.

[Mutt]

Hi Mike76,

I can see how one would feel perturbed, I'd just like to offer you my experience, maybe it will help you, maybe it won't. I have a little more time behind you with my divorce but not much, my ex from time to time will send me things about events that the kids and I could do together, sales that I don't really care about because I've got this on my own with the kids.

She's just trying to be nice, I can see how insulting it would feel because of everything that you've gone through, she's just impaired with her r/s's with others. Most of the stuff that's outside of our kids I ignore, sometimes if I find it helpful, i'll say thanks for that. I leave it short and sweet so that it doesn't open the door to a full conversation, we're not friends and I can't see myself being friends with her again. Also, it telegraphs that you are in her thoughts.

[Idsrvt2]

Hmmm, is your mail being forwarded to your new address? When my housemate moved out I didn't get any of her mail... .my letter carrier who is also my xBPD... didn't give me her mail even if it said or current resident. 


Just a thought but maybe talk to your post office? See if they can help?