First time talking about BPD struggles with mother-in-law

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello, all:
This is my first time joining a community forum for pretty much anything! I'm struggling with setting boundaries with my BPD/Narcissistic mother-in-law and wanted to reach out to hear what others have done to set healthy boundaries.

My mother-in-law is extremely manipulative and child-like, and has a way of making everything about her (unmet) emotional needs from her childhood. She's nearly 60, and was an army brat, and was exposed to deep trauma as a teen with the loss of two brothers, so I empathize completely with her. However, she uses her trauma as a carte blanche to really give her the power to steamroll any social situation.

It's to the point where I no longer want to have a relationship with her. But I must, as she is part of the family.
Thanks for any insights!
-Nina

[NinaBean]

Hello, all:
This is my first time joining a community forum for pretty much anything! I'm struggling with setting boundaries with my BPD/Narcissistic mother-in-law and wanted to reach out to hear what others have done to set healthy boundaries.

My mother-in-law is extremely manipulative and child-like, and has a way of making everything about her (unmet) emotional needs from her childhood. She's nearly 60, and was an army brat, and was exposed to deep trauma as a teen with the loss of two brothers, so I empathize completely with her. However, she uses her trauma as a carte blanche to really give her the power to steamroll any social situation.

It's to the point where I no longer want to have a relationship with her. But I must, as she is part of the family.
Thanks for any insights!
-Nina

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi NinaBean! Welcome! 

Thank you for posting to our online family. I'm so glad you did.  . This is an online family especially dedicated to helping navigate those murky waters of having a pwBPD in our lives. There are a lot of listening ears and caring hearts here!

On the right hand side of the board under Healing When a Family Member Has BPD, you will find some information about BPD. If you click on any of the sentences, they will open up in another window with more information.

Your BPD m-i-l sounds challenging. How does your DH do with her? Do you know if she has been diagnosed with BPD? Regardless of a formal diagnosis or not, when you find it necessary to deal with the traits common to someone with BPD, it is so very hard. As a child growing up with an uBPDm, I well grasp some of the frustration you are going through. Have you read any books about BPD? Here is a good one to start with:

Stop Walking On Eggshells

I think it's wonderful that you see the need for boundary setting! Kudos to you! Here is a link I in regards to this:

Setting Boundaries

When is the next time you anticipate seeing her again? Do you live close by her?


Wools