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Struggling to get past ex borderline hermit. She has never been violent but doesnt want to let go. We work close together so that is hard but i did change shifts so that should help.  Very manipulative and plays poor me victim so well. Ive always been a rescuer of women due to mommy issues.  I didnt date for a year after my last relationship which happened to be a borderline waif.  Need help fixing my corr values and to become strong and normal again.  I definitely felt good not dating for a year and really cleared my head but wow this manipulator made me feel like she was the one!  Ive blocked her on everything so baby steps.  But when she knocks on door i always get charmed back in .  Cant call the police because I am one! Imagine that! Knight in shining armor. My mom was a borderline witch! Any help will be appreciated! Thanks and God Bless

[Vincent7768]

Struggling to get past ex borderline hermit. She has never been violent but doesnt want to let go. We work close together so that is hard but i did change shifts so that should help.  Very manipulative and plays poor me victim so well. Ive always been a rescuer of women due to mommy issues.  I didnt date for a year after my last relationship which happened to be a borderline waif.  Need help fixing my corr values and to become strong and normal again.  I definitely felt good not dating for a year and really cleared my head but wow this manipulator made me feel like she was the one!  Ive blocked her on everything so baby steps.  But when she knocks on door i always get charmed back in .  Cant call the police because I am one! Imagine that! Knight in shining armor. My mom was a borderline witch! Any help will be appreciated! Thanks and God Bless

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Vincent, Welcome!  Sure, we get it.  Sorry to hear that you are struggling.  You seem quite self-aware which means to me that you can change the pattern going forward.  Presumably you learned what you lived, in terms of your childhood.  In order to regain your strength, I suggest returning the focus to yourself.  Treat yourself with care and compassion.  Strive for authenticity.  Listen to your gut feelings.  Become who you are.  You get the idea!

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi Vincent7768, 



I'd like to join Lucky Jim and welcome you to BPDFAMILY. I'm sorry that you're going through this, it has to be tough when you work together.

I think that taking a time out on r/s's and doing self work is a good idea, if we jump from one r/s to the next there's a good chance that we're going to repeat the same mistakes. Family and friends may encourage you to get back on the horse to get over it, I was reading about how someone's spouse died and a week later family and friends were suggesting to date to get over it.

Another good idea is self protection by blocking her on everything, it gives you the space and time that you need to mend your wounds and to detach, you may want to reconsider and make an adjustment by going minimal contact so that it doesn't trigger abandonment anxiety with your ex and it may help with you too, slowly ween yourself off instead of going cold turkey, I only say that because you work closely together.

Can you give us a little backstory on your r/s? How long were you together? How did you break-up? Are there kids involved?