you have cards in your pocket

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So BPDex and I were briefly discussing his replacement relationship. I asked if they were in an open relationship and LET ME TELL YOU that got his attention. A) probably because he wanted to cheat and B) because it implies he may be getting cheated on (he is extremely jealous and possessive). Of course, I dropped it and decided not to mess with him only because I'm afraid my conscience might come after me, but if you want to turn the tables on the manipulation don't think of yourself as helpless by any means.

[caughtnreleased]

So BPDex and I were briefly discussing his replacement relationship. I asked if they were in an open relationship and LET ME TELL YOU that got his attention. A) probably because he wanted to cheat and B) because it implies he may be getting cheated on (he is extremely jealous and possessive). Of course, I dropped it and decided not to mess with him only because I'm afraid my conscience might come after me, but if you want to turn the tables on the manipulation don't think of yourself as helpless by any means.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey CnR, Why are you trying to "turn the tables" on your Ex?  From what you describe, it seems like you viewed your discussion as an opportunity to "mess with him."  To what end?  If you are hanging out with him, you could be opening yourself up to more pain.  Suggest you tread carefully here.

LuckyJim

[caughtnreleased]

Hey CnR, Why are you trying to "turn the tables" on your Ex?  From what you describe, it seems like you viewed your discussion as an opportunity to "mess with him."  To what end?  If you are hanging out with him, you could be opening yourself up to more pain.  Suggest you tread carefully here.

LuckyJim

Hi LuckyJim,
To what end? Probably for revenge because he has been incredibly manipulative and cruel with regards to the replacement and using the opportunity to devalue me even more. I know it's the wrong thing to do - but I think for a long time I really did see myself as helpless. Yes I saw an opportunity to mess with him but I didn't take it. I think it was simply a question of fighting back, rather than simply letting him do his usual "the replacement is so great" thing - maybe calling his bluff on the lie that his relationship is. But you are correct, there is only more pain at the end of the road. So I didn't go for it.

[caughtnreleased]

I think the other thing... .I'm tired of being the adult all the time. The one who does everything to prevent harm, to be conciliatory and nothing comes of it anyway. Perhaps it's trying a diversity of tactics. Of course, I know all roads lead to pain when it involves a pwBPD. Still, maybe trying to stop being the "nice" person - it's a tiring role to maintain really. Acknowledging I am human and sometimes I just want to say ___ it. I saw the opportunity, was tempted, but eventually backed away. Anyway I don't plan to be in contact anymore.

[lovenature]

Anyway I don't plan to be in contact anymore.

Good plan.

With enough education and time away we see things clearly and can decide what is best for us.