Any experience with pwBPD going through DBT?

[BeagleGirl]

Hello all,
I have been posting over on the Conflicted board.  I'm still firmly in the conflicted camp, but thought those of you who are more actively working on improving your relationship with your pwBPD might have partners who are also working on improving themselves and your relationship.

My BPDh started DBT this week.  I will admit that I don't hold out much hope, but I also don't know what to look for that might indicate that the DBT is "working".  If any of you have had pwBPD who have gone through DBT (willingly or as a way to prove that they are doing something to address their disorder), I would really appreciate your insight.

BeagleGirl

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[Naughty Nibbler]

My BPDh started DBT this week.  I will admit that I don't hold out much hope, but I also don't know what to look for that might indicate that the DBT is "working".

I don't know anyone who has gone through DBT training, but I understand it is a long process.  Signs of improvement would show via his behavior:  

• Less anger, less emotional outbursts
• Better moods
• Easier to get along with
• Should see him practice some of the coping skills, mindfulness activities

You might want to visit the DBT self-help website, at the link below.  Click around to see some of the coping skills that are taught.  The skills can help someone with BPD manage their emotions with new habits.  Those who actively participate and adapt to the new habits/skills can improve.  Attending DBT therapy isn't a miracle cure.  Someone doesn't just go, participate and then be cured for life.  For optimum benefit, someone has to actively participate, learn the coping skills and continue to practice them.  If they don't stick with it, they will likely regress.  Some people with anxiety and depression may have to take meds.

DBT SELF-HELP WEBSITE:
www.dbtselfhelp.com

[PeaceHarmony]

My husband is starting DBT next week. He had to commit for a year. I am in between hope and "not sure it'll work" moments... will keep you posted:)

[BeagleGirl]

PeaceHarmony,
Glad to know someone else will be in this boat with me. 

I'm currently separated from my BPDh, so I'm not completely sure how I will see change if/when it occurs.  I guess I'm hoping that he will start to take ownership for the abusive behavior and responsibility for his life and care of our 2 children, but I don't see anything clearly indicating those things will be addressed in DBT, at least not directly. 

We will be meeting with a mediator in 2 weeks to lay out the groundwork for a legal separation.  I guess that might be an opportunity to see change, though he won't have very many sessions under his belt.  At this point I'd be happy if he showed up with any sort of plan for how he wants this to look rather than leaving it all on me to decide. 

If you don't mind sharing, what is your current situation with your husband and what types of change are you hoping for?
BeagleGirl

[flourdust]

My (stbex)wife has been enrolled in a DBT program for two years. If you do see any change, it's not likely to be noticeable for months. When it is effective, DBT should give him tools to regulate his own emotions and manage unrealistic thoughts ... .if he uses them. That doesn't mean he won't have the negative emotions and thoughts, but his reactions to them could be less extreme.

After two years, I can't say that my wife improved any.