How does this behavior make sense?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I feel like a pro on this board by now even though it's been some time since I've posted. Answers don't seem to ever come from what I think of about my relationship. I've broken up and gotten back together with my girlfriend 4 or 5 times in almost 3 years. Every time she is the one who break nc and talks to me. Every time I think she has had her chance to see what is out there and she comes back to me it has to mean she's ready to be in a stable real relationship. Then once again it ends. 4 times, how does this happen, how 4 or 5 different times can a person go from loving so much to barely tolerating you to discarding you in some of the most painful ways only to want you back again and again? I'm completely lost on this, dealing with her behavior and researching it for 3 years and I'm still left with no answers only questions.

[KarmasReal]

I feel like a pro on this board by now even though it's been some time since I've posted. Answers don't seem to ever come from what I think of about my relationship. I've broken up and gotten back together with my girlfriend 4 or 5 times in almost 3 years. Every time she is the one who break nc and talks to me. Every time I think she has had her chance to see what is out there and she comes back to me it has to mean she's ready to be in a stable real relationship. Then once again it ends. 4 times, how does this happen, how 4 or 5 different times can a person go from loving so much to barely tolerating you to discarding you in some of the most painful ways only to want you back again and again? I'm completely lost on this, dealing with her behavior and researching it for 3 years and I'm still left with no answers only questions.

[DazedD40]

I feel you! I've pretty much been doing the same for the last 2 years of our 5 year relationship. I've lost count of the breakups, how many cycles, push & pulls and still remain stuck in the fog trying to be brace enough to face the fear of finally detaching from her for good. We've recently split again following her saying she is no longer in love with me and now I'm stuck in a weird friend zone and sometime FWB situation. I've been told it's ok to move on as she is planning to do the same yet she wants to remain in a friendship with me and seems perfectly fine with this. I guess she's made her mind up now yet I'm struggling with my head spinning like a washing machine.

I know I need to get away from this yet I hold myself in the madness dealing with a constant daily dose of anxiety about her, us and what lays in wake for us. Is this about her holding on to me to punish me or is it genuine and she hasn't fully made her mind up. Is this another cycle and at some stage we'll work it out or is she doing this to punish me?

It's a total headmuck. So many questions but will there ever be answers? I don't think there ever will be! I've asked her so many questions regarding our relationship yet she can't answer a single one of them!

[roberto516]

I still struggle throughout the day. Heck, it's only been 5 days NC. But I find that most of my emotions are anger, but I'm quick to remind myself that "It's the disorder". Because for almost 6 months I was the hamster on the wheel trying to make sense of it all. Now I just accept it is what it is. I know there will be days that I don't. But what choice do I have? I'm mentally broken, and there is no other alternative, but to accept that she is a disordered individual who can't make sense of her own basic emotions let alone something as complicated as a relationship.

[DazedD40]

Even though I'm in contavtvskd allowing my ex to play me, my advice would be to continue with the NC! I've been there in NC and it'll give you the space to work through things at you're own pace. Given time it'll get better for you.

Now time to try take my own advice.

It's hard to go NC but as I'm finding, it's harder to stay in contact and get caught up in the madness and fog. I'm not sure why I can't let go, even though I'm pretty sure there's more pain laying in wait.

Why do we do it to ourselves?

[Idsrvt2]

We do it out of hope... .  Because often they act normal and are giving us something that we need... .

I'm also at a tough place right now.really missing my x... .I hate it... .I want to return to The anger only days.  My orders are up in July, another court date then they will be dropped and forced NC lifted ... .It's overwhelming and I often think of what I may say to my x just for closure... .but I would only receive the same canned response of I tried to break up twice and u wouldn't let me go I did not want to hurt you... .mine knew me for four years prior he knew of my past breakup, the struggles etc... .I'm ripped to pieces by him. And I try to remember he knew all I went thru and yet was not  capable due to the disorder to give me what he thought I needed.   
He even told me once he didn't feel comfortable with me and who knows now what his mind has made up about me

He once told me when he's done with someone he's done and also said when someone dumps him he figures that they no longer want him in their life

I see him around and his head is down , except for the time he was texting on my neighbors lawn... .he just goes about life like I don't exist.  It's like I see his ghost
I checked his social media and it's not active

[KtotheK]

I still struggle throughout the day. Heck, it's only been 5 days NC. But I find that most of my emotions are anger, but I'm quick to remind myself that "It's the disorder". Because for almost 6 months I was the hamster on the wheel trying to make sense of it all. Now I just accept it is what it is. I know there will be days that I don't. But what choice do I have? I'm mentally broken, and there is no other alternative, but to accept that she is a disordered individual who can't make sense of her own basic emotions let alone something as complicated as a relationship.

That's exactly right ... .I have tried desperately to rationalise everything and try and understand actions, words etc ... but have learned that we CANNOT. Energy is better spent looking at ourselves and thinking of ourselves and looking after ourselves ... .but that is easier said than done ! I spent 9 months trying to make sense of it all... beating myself and blaming myself for 9 months straight. Low and behold I got a text from nowhere ... my ex had literally walked out one day and NEVER looked back ... .how ? Why? And now was wanting me back. I was recycled for 3 months and discarded again. I sunk to the lowest of the low!
Now on 4 months NC and said ex has moved on x2 in that time !
Keep strong with the NC and look after YOU. And yes there wil be days where you will no doubt try to rationalise and understand ... I still do and that's all very normal.

They cannot feel and empathise in the way that we are able to. They meant what they said at 'the time' but only for that moment. As I've been told on here look at the actions and that tells you all you need to know.
Totally get the mentally broken but it does get better hang in there ... .think of you and do things for you.