Is 5th break up the charm?

[KarmasReal]

So today was a special day, it is my 5th break up with my BPD ex in a little less than 3 years. I'm going to leave some details out to keep this question consice. We had one of those, things are bad let's talk about us phone calls today. She basically thought I had broken up with her and then sent me some texts saying why did you block me? I hadn't I deactivated my accounts, unfortunately she didn't care enough to ask me that. Then preceded to text if this is what I wanted fine, and it was my fault. I called her the next day explaining, but just like I assumed, she wanted to break up, and blame me. She said we had problems but never was specific, said we were more like friends than anything, said she was relieved she thought we were broken up.

Keep in mind this the girl I have broken up with 4 times before and who 5! Times after that has come back to me! I have never broken no contact! And each time she does she is all over me like white on rice, including this last time which was in just mid March! So I'm a friend, she is relieved to be rid of me, and yet she comes back to me 5 times? Each time all over me, wanting a relationship, texting and calling me, but I'm just like a friend?

Sadly this is one of the better ways we have broken up, a few she was real nasty. I guess this last me was only about 3 months because I couldn't hide the fact she had scarred me and made me distrust her so much I couldn't be happy with her. She did that! Now once again she is going to devalue and emasculate me while I keep my mouth shut about what she is? It sucks. Why am I in this position when I know so much about what and who she is? I've dated 4 people, during every break up all younger than her all pretty all nicer to me and I still go back? Why does she do this? Why do I?

[Turkish]

KR,

Have you seen this in the Lessons?

Relationship Recycling
What is it?
 
This workshop is about "break-up/make-up" cycles and when and how it can become toxic and what we should do.  
 
When is this unhealthy?  
 
Let's break this down.  Sixty-two (62%) of relationships do not end at the first break-up.  For a wife to have second thoughts about a divorce is normal. Sometimes our own self doubt makes us want to try one more time.  Sometimes one partner promises to change something.   To reconnect with a person after a break-up 1-2 times is really not all that unusual.  
 
When there are more than 4, 5, 6 "break-up/make-up" cycles in a relationship there is something seriously wrong. And when this happens, the conventional relationship expectations are pretty much out the window.
 
Why do we get caught up in cycles?... .

click the quote for more.

You've dated in-between. Despite that,  experiencing nicer and prettier women,  you're still engaging with her.  So her aside,  what's the hook which keeps you choosing to engage?

T