Taking that scary first step

[BellaFitzgerald]

Hello all.

I am 34 years old, a nurse, and 3 years ago I reached a point where I had to make some serious decisions because my health (which has always been poor) was starting to decline. Being the primary emotional caregiver for my mother was draining physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

During the course of my childhood, I sustained a significant number of injuries including multiple head traumas, a hyperextended spine, a suspected fractured hip and a possible shoulder subluxation, all before I was 10 years old.

I am currently struggling with three main things:

1. I have had pain and limp (which I subconsciously hide) since early childhood which they always downplayed as being in my head. Now that the problem has been identified and remedied (after investing thousands of dollars in health care appointments), I find myself filled with rage at all the unnecessary suffering I endured because they refused to get me medical attention and all the times I was made to feel like a downer because I couldn't keep up with the other kids.

2. I have no experience with healthy relationships and I worry that it is too late for me to learn.

3. While I would prefer to not communicate with two members of the family for health reasons, I believe I would lose the entire family and I don't feel confident I can survive without them.

I have never spoken of my reality with anyone and I thought this might be a good place to start, a place where people understand what its like to not be totally in love with their family life.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey BellaFitzgerald:   
Welcoming to the Community!
I'm so sorry for all you have been through.  That's a lot of physical damage, prior to 10 year's of age.  Were you physically abused?

1. I have had pain and limp (which I subconsciously hide) since early childhood which they always downplayed as being in my head. Now that the problem has been identified and remedied (after investing thousands of dollars in health care appointments), I find myself filled with rage at all the unnecessary suffering I endured because they refused to get me medical attention and all the times I was made to feel like a downer because I couldn't keep up with the other kids.   

I'm so sorry. I can understand how it must feel like a huge loss for you to find out that the cause of your limp and pain could have been corrected when you were very young.  Pain and a limp had to limit your activities, energy and self confidence. 

2. I have no experience with healthy relationships and I worry that it is too late for me to learn. 

It's never too late to change and grow.  There are lots of great communication lessons that will develop your emotional intelligence, which can lead to better relationships.

3. While I would prefer to not communicate with two members of the family for health reasons, I believe I would lose the entire family and I don't feel confident I can survive without them.

It could be helpful for you to set some boundaries and use some communication skills that can help change the way you  interact with your family and react to them.  It can make things better for you.

I'm glad that you were courageous and took this first step to share your reality.  You have held in a lot for 34 years.  Have you thought about getting some counseling?  It can help accelerate the healing and growing process.

It could be helpful for you to work through the steps in the Survivor's Guide in the right hand margin.  A pop up will appear, as you click on each step. 

You have a lot of years ahead of you.  You can't change your past, but you can own your future and make things better for you and find/develop new healthy relationships.

There is a lot of helpful information here.  Check out the "Lessons" thread at the top of the thread line up.  If you go to the large green band at the top of the page, you will find a "Tools Menu".  "Boundaries" is a good lesson to start with.

Are there some boundaries you might want to set, in regard to some family members?